You’re organised.

Don’t just survive your first 30 days in Germany, thrive.

The Expat Starter Kit for Germany includes a first-month planner, helpful phrases for appointments and where to find support in your early days in Germany.

Get your FREE Expat Starter Kit

Used to managing competing demands.
Often you’re the family planner, too.

The one who keeps everything moving, no matter what.

You’ve handled pressure, deadlines, responsibility, and complexity before. On the reg.

So when international relocation feels harder than you expected, it can be pretty confusing.

And upsetting. 

Because no one tells you that the very strengths that make you a successful working mother can make relocation feel more destabilising, not less.

This disconnect between preparation and lived experience is one of the most underestimated parts of moving abroad with kids.

I’ve seen it in other expat families and I felt the same way when I first moved abroad. 

Let’s talk honestly about why.

1. You’re Used to Competence and Relocation Takes That Away

In your professional life, you know how things work.

You understand the systems, know how to ask the right questions and trust your own judgement. 

Relocating abroad takes away that familiarity.

Suddenly you:

• don’t understand the healthcare system
  
• are unsure how schools really function
  
• hesitate before making simple phone calls
  
• second-guess decisions you would normally make with confidence.
  
  

You may also notice that your reliance on your partner has increased, something that is deeply uncomfortable for an independent, self-assured woman like you. 

For a capable, high-functioning woman, this loss of competence can feel surprisingly destabilising.

It’s not just inconvenient, it’s an identity shift.

In the months following my international relocation, I experienced an ongoing sense of dread. It felt like I was slowly sinking and I had no idea how to stop myself. 

And when no one tell you that this can be normal, many mothers assume something is wrong with them. I sure did!

For many mothers, this phase is a low-level but persistent feeling of overwhelm. 

Not a crisis. A constant sense of increasing mental load. 

If that resonates, you might find it helpful to read Expat Overwhelm: How to Overcome It.

2. You’re Often Carrying More Than One Role

In many families, professional mothers carry two invisible roles:

• Operational manager
  
• Emotional anchor
  
  

During international relocation, both intensify.

You’re managing:

• Paperwork and appointments
  
• School transitions
  
• New routines
  
• Unfamiliar systems
  
  

At the same time, you’re:

• Helping your children process change
  
• Soothing homesickness
  
• Holding space for their emotions
  
• Trying to stay calm and positive
  
  

Often while struggling yourself.

Professional women are very good at “holding it together.”

Until they can’t anymore. 

Supporting children emotionally during relocation is a job in itself, especially when you’re still finding your own footing. 

It’s a lot. 

If you’re still in the planning phase, I’ve shared practical ways to prepare children emotionally before a move in How to Prepare Your Children Emotionally for an International Move.

3. Your Career Has Transformed (and not always how you imagined) 

For many professional mothers, international relocation comes with a change in career identity.

That might look like:

• A pause
  
• A slower trajectory
  
• A role beneath your previous level
  
• Or uncertainty about work altogether
  
  

Even when the move is intentional and positive, these shifts can bring up complex emotions, including:

• Loss of professional identity
  
• Reduced structure in your days
  
• Less recognition of your skills
  
• Financial dependence and a changed partner dynamic
  
• Questions about “who am I now?” and “what am I even doing here?”.
  
   

You’re still busy. Motherhood doesn’t suddenly become lighter.

But the quality of that busyness changes.

There can be a quiet grief for the version of yourself you might have been had you stayed, sitting right alongside excitement, gratitude, and hope for this new chapter.

That combination is surprisingly hard to articulate. It’s often harder to resolve quickly.

4. You Hold Yourself to High Standards

Professional mothers are often high achievers.

You care deeply about doing things well.

So when:

• Your child struggles at school
  
• Dinner is later or the house is messier than usual
  
• You feel more irritable or emotionally flat.
  
  

It can be hard to manage.

You may find yourself thinking:

“I should be handling this better.”
“What’s wrong with me?”

But international relocation is not a project to execute perfectly.

It’s a transition to live through.

Ttransitions are messy before they stabilise, even for capable and resilient people like you.

5. You’re Used to Being the One With Answers

In your professional life, people come to you for solutions.

You’re the one who knows what to do. How to do it. And where to go to for help if you’re not sure.

Relocation puts you in unfamiliar territory where:

• “Normal” isn’t clear anymore
  
• Adjustment timelines are unpredictable
  
• It’s hard to know which feelings are temporary and which need support.
  

That uncertainty can feel deeply uncomfortable for someone who values clarity and competence.

You don’t want clichés or empty reassurance.

You want actual understanding and practical insight that actually helps.

After five years abroad, I am finally feeling “at home” here. I have regained the feeling of everyday competence in my life, professional and personal. 

But more than that, I’ve developed a way to stay calm and not feel like it’s all my fault when I don’t understand something. 

I’ve learned that the world isn’t watching and that if I keep going, step by slow and sometimes frustrating step, I will get there. 

What Actually Helps When You’re Newly Abroad

This is often the hardest part for professional mothers to hear:

Your usual self-improvement strategies probably won’t help in this case.

Pushing harder ❌

Optimising everything ❌

Trying to prove you can cope ❌

Those approaches often increase the sense of pressure you’re feeling, rather than relieving it.

What helps instead is quieter, steadier support:

• Understanding that identity disruption is normal
  
• Expecting an adjustment window (not a quick “settle in”)
  
• Reducing pressure in the first 90 days
  
• Building predictable routines before expanding socially
  
• Having a space where you don’t have to be the strong one.
  
  

International relocation challenges competence, identity, and emotional bandwidth for all parents, but especially for capable women.

This is why the first three months after a move often feel heavier than expected. Not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because adjustment is non-linear. I

t’s messy and sometimes unpredictable. 

I’ve written more about what families really experience during this period in The First 90 Days After an International Move.

A Quiet Reminder

If you’re a professional mother finding this harder than you expected, there’s nothing wrong with you.

You are not broken. 

You’re navigating:

• A new country
  
• different systems
  
• Shifts in identity
  
• the emotional needs of your children.
  
  

All at once.

It’s a lot. 

You deserve support that understands both your competence and your vulnerability.

Not because you’re incapable, but because even capable women need steadiness when the ground shifts beneath them.

If you’re ready for extra support in your first 90 days abroad, download your FREE “Expat Starter Kit”, designed for professional Mothers’ starting this exciting and life-changing journey.

The post The Struggle is REAL for Professional Mothers Moving Abroad appeared first on Professional Support for Families Relocating to Germany.

Did you know that expats are 2.5 times more likely to experience anxiety and depression? 50% of us are put in the “High Risk” category for suffering anxiety and depression*. 

Expat Overwhelm leaves you feeling dazed and unable to complete basic tasks. 

Don’t just survive your first 30 days in Germany, thrive.

The Expat Starter Kit for Germany includes a first-month planner, helpful phrases for appointments and where to find support in your early days in Germany.

Get your FREE Expat Starter Kit

Culture shock, social adjustment, and the emotional load of moving abroad all play a role, but for many mothers, the most disruptive part isn’t logistical at all.

It’s what happens internally once everything familiar disappears.

In my first winter in Germany, I lost hats, gloves, wallet, and keys. I’d never before been so muddle-headed. 

I felt uneasy about visiting new places. Engaging with strangers filled me with dread. I often sat on the couch, unsure what to do next. 

This wasn’t who I thought I was.

And that disconnect between who you know yourself to be and how you’re functioning is often the most frightening part of expat overwhelm.

What is Expat Overwhelm?

Expat overwhelm is the result of sustained stress without familiar anchors.

It’s the ongoing experience of:

• What do I do now?
  
• How do I do it here?
  
• Who can I ask for help?
  

Often referred to as “expat syndrome,” this state is widely misunderstood and confused with homesickness.

Instead of recognising it as a predictable response to prolonged change, many women internalise it and ask:

What’s wrong with me?

Nothing.

When stress, isolation, and self-doubt combine — especially while parenting — the nervous system can shift into a freeze response.

This is what being “stuck” actually feels like.

Symptoms of Expat Overwhelm

Expat overwhelm can look like:

• General confusion
  
• Forgetfulness
  
• Reduced ability to concentrate
  
• Fatigue
  
• Disturbed sleep
  
• Persistent self-doubt
  

These symptoms are often misinterpreted, or misdiagnosed, which can increase fear rather than reduce it.

If you are in immediate danger or need urgent support, please see the emergency resources at the end of this post.

If you are in immediate danger and need urgent support, please see the emergency resources at the end of this post.

Why Expat Overwhelm Happens (Especially for Mothers)

Expat overwhelm isn’t a personal failure or a sign that you’re “not cut out for this life.”
It’s a predictable response to sustained change — particularly when you’re responsible not only for yourself, but for your children too.

Most families expect the move itself to be stressful.
What they don’t anticipate is how long the adjustment phase lasts, and how many layers of pressure it carries.

For mothers, that pressure tends to stack quietly and cumulatively.

The Loss of Familiar Systems

Much of our day-to-day confidence comes from familiarity.

Knowing how things work.
Knowing where to go.
Knowing what’s expected of you — and how to get things done efficiently.

When you move abroad, those systems disappear overnight.

Suddenly, simple tasks require extra thought.
Routine errands take more time.
Every decision — from paperwork to parenting — carries more weight.

Even highly capable women can feel unsteady when the scaffolding that once supported them is gone. Not because they’ve changed, but because the environment has.

The Invisible Emotional Load of Motherhood Abroad

On top of managing your own adjustment, you’re often carrying the emotional load for your children as well.

You’re watching for signs of homesickness.
Translating unfamiliar experiences.
Holding space for big feelings — while trying to stay regulated yourself.

Much of this work is invisible. It doesn’t show up on a checklist, but it takes real energy.

When mothers feel depleted abroad, it’s often because they’re doing far more emotional labour than they realise — without the usual support structures to offset it.

Language, Isolation, and Constant Adjustment

Language barriers and cultural differences add another layer of strain.

Even when you speak the local language reasonably well, operating in a second language requires more concentration. Social cues are harder to read. Small misunderstandings can feel outsized.

At the same time, familiar social connections may be missing — friends, family, casual support.

This combination of isolation and constant adjustment keeps the nervous system in a low-level state of alert, making it harder to rest and recover.

The Impact of Climate and Diet Changes

What’s often overlooked is the physical side of adjustment.

Changes in climate, light exposure, food, and daily rhythms can have a significant impact on energy levels, sleep, mood, and overall wellbeing.

Different seasons, longer winters, or less daylight can affect emotional resilience.
New foods — or the absence of familiar ones — can influence digestion, appetite, and comfort.

When your body is quietly working harder to adapt, emotional capacity tends to shrink.

This doesn’t mean anything is “wrong.” It means your system is adjusting on multiple levels at once — physically, emotionally, and psychologically.

Why It Can Feel Like Too Much

When all of these factors combine — loss of familiarity, increased emotional labour, social isolation, and physical adjustment — overwhelm becomes a logical outcome.

Not dramatic.
Not unexpected.
And not permanent.

Understanding why this happens is often the first step toward regaining a sense of stability and self-trust.

Why This Isn’t Your Fault

You are not overwhelmed because you are:

• weak
  
• lazy
  
• incapable
  

Expat overwhelm doesn’t arrive all at once.

It builds slowly, especially when you start believing you should be coping better.

That belief, and not the move itself,  is often what keeps women stuck.

Isn’t Expat Overwhelm just feeling homesick? 

Not quite. 

Feeling homesick is an acute longing for the familiar. The sudden urge to smell your Mum’s cooking or the surprising pang of sadness when you put up the Christmas Tree and it just doesn’t feel the same. 

In it’s most extreme form, feeling homesick can manifest with severe physical and emotional symptoms. It is a sickness, afterall. 

Expat Overwhelm is an experience of stress that can keep you stuck and stop you from fulfilling your goals of living abroad. For example, in the overwhelmed state, you may be unable to be productive, social or emotionally available to your family.

Read my post about overcoming homesickness here. 

From Overwhelm to a New Normal (My Story)

I moved to Germany during the pandemic. 

Was it the worst time to begin a new life in a foreign country? Quite probably.

No language skills.
No social connections.
No ability to travel the way we’d planned.

At first, it felt like an adventure.

But gradually, self-doubt crept in.

Was this a mistake?
Had I ruined something for my child?
Why did everything feel so hard?

I became forgetful.
Decision-making felt impossible.
Life felt like too much.

What helped wasn’t fixing everything — it was stabilising enough to keep going.

• Building a social network, one small interaction at a time
  
• Learning the language, slowly reclaiming my competence
  
• Accepting my limits without giving up
  
• Remembering why we moved
  
• Allowing time to do what only time can do

You can read more about my story here. 

What Actually Helps Expat Overwhelm

Expat overwhelm isn’t permanent, but it does require support.

Create predictable routines

Biological rhythms matter: sleep, movement, food, daylight.

When the body feels safe, the mind can follow.

Build support intentionally

Community doesn’t happen accidentally abroad.

It’s built — awkwardly at first, then more naturally.

Adjust expectations

Your timeline is not someone else’s.

Pressure delays adjustment; self-compassion supports it.

Care for yourself on purpose

Even 20 minutes a day matters.
Especially at the beginning.

Small Steps, Big Changes 

Expat Overwhelm, interestingly, isn’t universal. Not every expat experiences it. 

Some people settle into their new lives without a problem. Why are they so lucky? What’s different about their experience? 

Partly, your temperament is to blame. Some people are just more adaptable than others. 

However, managing your expectations and building a supportive community will reduce your feelings of overwhelm when you arrive. 

Here are some practical tips that you can start implementing now. 

Find other expats

Join local expat facebook groups, show up at the goofy International Friends dinners and just get out there.

Keep a journal

This can be a daily diary, goal-setting or just getting all of your mean-girl thoughts out of your head.

I don’t mean spend hours a day on this task (unless you can, then do it!).

Simply jotting down your struggles from the day or musing on what you’re grateful for can help.

Engage with the locals 

Get amongst the quirky festivals, strange parades and odd celebrations of your new home.

You didn’t move here to lead the very same life you had at home!

The sooner you’re able to engage with and better understand how the locals view the world, the sooner you’ll start to feel at home.

Do what you loved at home here as well

Loved dancing at home? Keep it up! Did yoga daily? Don’t stop now. Whatever you did routinely at home, do it in your new home. Sure, I want you to engage with the locals but that doesn’t mean giving up what makes you, you.

A Note Before You Go 

Expat overwhelm is real — and it is common among capable, thoughtful women.

If this resonates, nothing has gone wrong.
You are responding normally to sustained change.

With support, structure, and time, a new sense of stability does emerge.

You don’t have to rush it.

Download my FREE Expat Family Starter Kit to help you get started.

Have you ever felt Expat Overwhelm? Share your experiences in the comments below. 

Emergency Support 

Online Support Services

1. My International Therapy

Self-described as “by expats, for expats”, this is a fantastic place to find support if you’re struggling with Expat Overwhelm. With the option of online or on-site consultations in Berlin available, you are able to seek out a professional who best matches you and your unique needs. 

2. It’s Complicated Platform
With the specific aim of connecting expats with English-speaking therapists (60 languages in all if English isn’t your Mother tongue), this online allows you to browse professionals with a wealth of experience, specialities and modalities to find your perfect match. Online and in-person session available, with practicing professionals based across Europe and the US. 

3. Mindler
An app-based platform offering online therapy sessions in many languages with professionals boasting experience in offering various forms of support, specifically for stress management, anxiety and depression.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

What is Expat Overwhelm?

Expat Overwhelm is a term used to incorporate feelings of anxiety, stress, fatigue and other symptoms that can be experienced after relocating to a new country. It may be triggered by challenges experienced due to language barrier, culture shock and feelings of homesickness. 

What are the symptoms of Expat Overwhelm?

Common symptoms of Expat Overwhelm are anxiety, forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, frustration, fatigue, headaches and tummy troubles. 

How can I create a social network in my new home abroad? 

Joining expat groups in your new city, participating in community events and connecting with neighbours or other local people can quickly build your social network and reduce your feelings of loneliness and isolation. Facebook is a great resource for connecting with other expats in your city. 

I’m an expat and I’m overwhelmed. What should I do?

• Create a daily routine to give yourself predictability and stability. 
• Journal.
• Stay socially engaged. 
• Seek professional support if you can’t cope alone any longer. There’s strength in getting help. 

How long will it take before my new home feels like home?

This depends on so many personal factors that I can’t possibly predict your experience. Depending on your age, lifestyle, life experiences, expectations and barriers experienced in your new home, adjusting could take as little as a few months and as much as several years. Everyone’s different and every experience is unique. 

Can Expat Overwhelm effect my family, too?

Unfortunately, yes, it can effect everyone of every age. Your family members may themselves begin to feel overwhelmed or be negatively impacted by your feelings of overwhelm. It’s important to look after yourself and each other through this major life transition. 

Got more questions? Share them in the comments. 

Sources

https://expathealth.org/healthcare/expats-have-greater-risk-of-mental-health-issue

https://www.axaglobalhealthcare.com/en/wellbeing/emotional/top-expat-concerns

The post Expat Overwhelm: How to Overcome It appeared first on Professional Support for Families Relocating to Germany.

You’ve made it. Your family packed up, survived the flights, and arrived safely in Germany.

Jetlag is still lingering. Your to-do list is growing by the minute.

Don’t just survive your first 30 days in Germany, thrive.

The Expat Starter Kit for Germany includes a first-month planner, helpful phrases for appointments and where to find support in your early days in Germany.

Get your FREE Expat Starter Kit

And then it hits you.

You’re in a new country, surrounded by unfamiliar faces, and you realise how much you need support. Not just practical help but people.

People who understand the emotional weight of starting over. Someone to help you make sense of systems that don’t work the way you’re used to. A friend who can sit with your homesickness without trying to fix it.

As a relocation coach and an expat mother living in Germany, I remember how alone I felt in those early months. I had never felt lonelier in my life.

Germany is a wonderful place to raise a family, but it’s also widely considered one of the hardest countries for expats to settle into. When you’re parenting at the same time, the feeling of struggle increases rapidly.

This post explores why support networks matter so much in Germany, how to start building one, and where to look, even if your German isn’t strong yet.

These are the tips I wish I’d had when I first arrived.

1. Why a Support Network Matters Even More in Germany

Moving abroad with children is one of the most exciting decisions a family can make. It is also emotionally demanding.

You’re navigating:

• unfamiliar bureaucracy
  
• a new language
  
• different social norms
  
• and the responsibility of keeping your children emotionally steady while you’re still finding your feet
  

In Germany, this can feel particularly intense.

Research consistently shows that Germany ranks low in terms of expat ease of settling in, particularly in regards to social integration and feeling welcome. Many expats report strong systems, but weak social connections.

Without a support network, even small challenges can feel overwhelming.

When your child is sick, who helps you understand the advice from the Kinderarzt? Who herpes you decode the dense language in the letters from school? And when you feel that familiar pang of homesickness, who sits with you?

Loneliness isn’t just uncomfortable; it has real consequences. Research links ongoing loneliness to increased stress, poorer mental health, and physical health impacts. The strongest protective factor? The quality of our social relationships.

You were never meant to do this alone.

2. Start Connecting Before You Arrive 

This often surprises families, but some of the most stabilising connections can begin before you’ve even landed.

Before we moved to Dresden, I started quietly reaching out to other expat parents online. I didn’t make instant friends, but I gathered familiarity. Names. Faces. A sense of what mattered locally.

Helpful places to start:

• Facebook groups for international families in your future city
  
• Groups like:
  
  • “International Families [City]”
    
  • “English-Speaking Parents in Germany”
    
  • “[Your nationality] in Germany”
    
• Meetup.com for family-friendly or interest-based groups
  

You can also ask your existing network for introductions. Many expat parents are happy to meet “a friend of a friend” because they remember exactly what those first months felt like.You don’t need to be outgoing. You just need to be open.

3. Where to Find Your Community in Germany (Without Needing German!) 

The language barrier can be overwhelming when you first arrive, but it doesn’t have to stop you from building your expat network. 

Some of the most accessible places to connect include:

• Local expat or international parent groups
  
• International schools and bilingual kindergartens
  
• Libraries, which often host children’s activities and events
  
• Sports clubs or Vereine: incredibly common in Germany and often more welcoming than expected.
  

When I first arrived, playgrounds felt terrifying. I worried constantly about saying the wrong thing or nothing at all.

So I started small. A smile, sometimes a wave or a simple “hello”.

Every connection counts.

4. Making Friends as an Adult (When You’re Already Tired)

Let’s be honest: making friends as an adult is hard. Doing it in another language? It can feel impossible.

I remember visiting a different playground every day with my daughter, my heart racing every time another parent looked my way.

“What if they don’t speak English?” I worried.

Slowly, watching my child connect without hesitation helped me loosen my grip on perfection. I followed her lead.

Simple conversation starters work:

• “We’ve just moved here — do you come here often?”
  
• “Our kids seem about the same age.”
  
• “Do you know any good places to go with children around here?”
  

These conversations don’t need to be deep. They just need to be human.

5. Practical Support: Childcare, Help, and Everyday Relief

Support networks aren’t only emotional. They can be practical too.

In Germany, helpful resources include:

• Expat Facebook groups for babysitter and cleaner recommendations
  
• Betreut.de for childcare and household help
  
• Local platforms like Kietzee (city-specific)
  

Even a few hours of help a week can dramatically change how settled you feel.

Support sometimes buys you breathing room.

6. Online Support for the Tougher Times 

Some days, in-person connection feels like too much.

Online support can bridge the gap:

• Parenting-abroad Facebook groups
  
• Online therapy platforms (international or Germany-based)
  
• Group coaching or workshops focused on expat adjustment
  

These spaces can offer understanding without explanation, especially when language or energy is limited.

7. What If I Don’t Live In a City? 

If you’re not in Berlin, Munich, or Hamburg, this part matters.

Dresden, for example, has one of the lowest proportions of residents with an international background in Germany. That doesn’t make connection impossible, but it does mean you need to be more intentional.

Ideas that help:

• Starting a small WhatsApp group at school or Kita
  
• Joining groups in nearby cities
  
• Becoming the initiator instead of waiting to be invited
  

Sometimes, you don’t just find community, you create it.

You Deserve a Village — Even Here

Settling into life in Germany isn’t just about paperwork.

It’s about belonging.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to begin, you’re not failing. You’re human.

Get your FREE Expat Starter Kit to give you the best chance to thrive in your new life abroad.

You don’t have to do this alone.

Let’s build the dream life abroad where you don’t just survive. You thrive.

Sources 

* Domènech-Abella and colleagues (2023) explored over 100 studies and found that loneliness is most closely linked to the quality of our relationships, living situation, and mental and physical health—not just age or gender. Read the Domènech-Abella and colleagues literature review. 

** InterNations (2023) conducted a survey of expats worldwide and concluded that expats in Germany are among the least happy in the world. Read the 2023 InterNations expat happiness report for Germany.

*** Data from 2023 shows that close to 30% of people residing in Germany have migration background (full report here), while data from 2024 indicates that around 12% of Dresden residents have migration background (full report here). 

The post Why You Need an Expat Support Network in Germany (and how to build one!) appeared first on Professional Support for Families Relocating to Germany.

At the airport, with my passport in hand, tears in my eyes and my baby in my arms, I wondered, “Have we made the right decision?”. I suddenly questioned if what we’d decided to do was, in fact, the right decision.

My confidence was already wavering. 

Was I really going to drag my daughter to the other side of the world? Was this what I really wanted?

Today, after more than five years living in Germany, I can say that the decision was right, even if at the beginning it felt anything but. 

Like most families preparing for an international move, we planned carefully.
The packing. The visas. The logistics. The research into work, childcare, and life abroad.

What I didn’t fully plan for was how deeply the move would change me.

Not just as a professional. Not just as a partner. But as a mother finding her footing in unfamiliar ground.

This is my story about moving to Germany but reallyit could be your story. It’s a story about what happens inside a family when everything familiar disappears at once.

If you’re planning a move, or already navigating life abroad with children, I hope this helps you see what’s normal, what’s hard, and why none of it means that you’ve failed. 

Why We Chose Germany (and the Weight of Wanting to “Get It Right”) 

TGermany wasn’t a random choice for us.
It was carefully considered — professionally, practically, and financially.

We believed it would offer opportunity, stability, and a rich cultural experience for our family. And in many ways, it has.

But looking back, I can see how much pressure I placed on myself to make it work.

Not just the country.
Not just the logistics.
But motherhood itself — as if choosing to move meant I had to prove it was worth the disruption.

That quiet pressure followed me long after we arrived.

The Reality of Expat Motherhood: When Everything Familiar Is Gone

I expected the move to be hard. Like, really hard. If nothing else, I accepted that learning a new language would be a tough starting point. 

What I didn’t expect was how disorienting it would feel to have all of my markers of independence disappear overnight. 

Those early days were lonely. Caring for my daughter while my husband worked was lonely. Every day needed me to be brave, even the unremarkable ones. 

I missed my friends. I grieved the ease of the familiar. And underneath it all was guilt. I felt guilty for choosing this life for us and couldn’t stop asking the question “Did I make the right decision?”

I began questioning myself constantly.

Had we made a mistake?

Don’t just survive your first 30 days in Germany, thrive.

The Expat Starter Kit for Germany includes a first-month planner, helpful phrases for appointments and where to find support in your early days in Germany.

Get your FREE Expat Starter Kit

Had I made a mistake thinking I could parent abroad when I was still learning how to parent at all?

On top of these confidence crushing questions came the logistics of day-to-day life: finding an apartment, navigating systems I didn’t understand, attending appointments in a language I couldn’t yet speak, all the while wondering “when will this get easier?”. 

I didn’t recognise myself anymore.

I felt like I had transformed from being a capable, confident woman to a child needing support to achieve even the most basic tasks. 

This wasn’t the expat motherhood journey I thought I’d signed up for.

My identity felt shaken, and learning how to be a mother at the same time only intensified that feeling.

If you’re reading this and nodding your head, just know—you’re not alone. I see you. I’ve been there.

Identity Loss After Moving Abroad (Why This Is Normal)

If you recognise yourself in this experience, then I want you to know that:

You’re not alone and there is nothing wrong with you.

This is what ongoing change does to us (yes, even you). 

So much of adult confidence is built on familiarity:

• knowing how systems work
  
• understanding social cues
  
• trusting your instincts
  

When those disappear, self-doubt often follows. Transition is hard, but when everything you’ve ever known has changed, it’s even harder. 

Add motherhood into the mix, and the emotional load multiplies.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and looking for extra support, read my Guide to Overcoming Expat Overwhelm.

When Your Child Adapts Faster Than You

One of the hardest moments for me came when my daughter started daycare.

She cried at drop-off and tears flowed freely from my eyes as I left the daycare centre.

I felt like a failure and I couldn’t even explain why. 

But then, just like that, she adjusted.

She learned the language faster than I did (it’s so easy for kids!). Friends were made and her confidence grew and grew. 

Watching her taught me something that I’d always known in theory, but hadn’t yet experienced:

Learning is not a failure. It is the work.

Finding Stability Abroad: Not by Fixing, but by Understanding

What helped me wasn’t pushing harder or trying to “be more resilient.”

It was understanding what prolonged change actually does to a nervous system — especially when you’re responsible for supporting children through it too.

Slowly, I stopped interpreting discomfort as a sign I’d made the wrong decision.

I started seeing it as information.

That shift changed everything.

Who I Am Now (and What This Season Gave Me)

I still live abroad and yes, it’s still hard sometimes. 

I’m not sure if that feeling will ever go away but it no longer makes me question my entire identity. 

Instead, I lean into the confidence I’ve built over the last five years and trust myself to keep learning. To keep going. Because that’s what has got me this far. 

This season taught me:

• patience
  
• humility
  
• emotional flexibility
  
• and a deeper understanding of what families actually need during transition

Lessons from my Expat Motherhood Journey

Here are the top 5 things I’ve learned from being a Mother abroad that might help you through this challenging journey.  

1. You don’t have to do it alone — It takes a village to raise a child. You just have to find yours now. Meeting other Mums, even the German ones, is empowering. This, above all, is the lesson I hope you can take from my writing today.
   
2. Knowledge is power — The bureaucracy might feel overwhelming right now, but with the right support, you will be able to do it all. The first time I could attend an appointment alone and got it right was the day I knew I’d made it.
   
3. Motherhood can expand, not shrink, abroad — It’s a blessing and not a shame to grow with your children. You don’t have to have it all figured out yet. There’s a unique bond that comes with discovering life with your children, not simply showing it to them.
   
4. We all feel lost sometimes — And it’s ok! That’s where powerful change happens. But don’t let yourself stay in that dark place for too long – lost is best visited and quickly left behind. Whenever I feel like that, I try to remember that sinking in the swamp of confusion won’t change my situation but being curious about it will.
   
5. The life you want abroad won’t build itself — But you can build it, one intentional step after the next. No matter how small that first step is, it’s a step in the right direction. This is your life, so make it one to be proud of!

And always remember that it takes time. You need time to adjust, learn and to start building the life of your dreams. 

If You’re Navigating an International Move With Children

If you’re in the middle of an international move, or preparing for one, you don’t have to rely on instinct alone.

I’ve created a free Expat Starter Kit to help families understand the emotional, practical, and relational shifts that come with relocation. Especially in the early months.

Download the Free Family Relocation Guide to Germany.

You’re not behind.

You’re not doing it wrong.

You’re in transition. 

The post My Chaotic Expat Motherhood Journey: From Lost to Thriving appeared first on Professional Support for Families Relocating to Germany.

At first I thought it was a language barrier and I told myself “Once my language improves it’ll be better”. Then, after reaching the high-intermediate level of German still didn’t help, I thought it was a clash of cultures.

Don’t just survive your first 30 days in Germany, thrive.

The Expat Starter Kit for Germany includes a first-month planner, helpful phrases for appointments and where to find support in your early days in Germany.

Get your FREE Expat Starter Kit

Slowly I started adopting more of the local ways of behaving. But still, I feel like I can’t break into the local community. 

The words “Deport. Deport. Deport.” have recently appeared on signs around the city. It’s really gotten under my skin but I refuse to give in. As long as I feel like an outsider, I’ll definitely remain an outsider. 

So, if you too feel like an outsider, I want to offer you some of my favourite ways to relax, stay calm and make connections despite the challenges. Because you matter, no matter what you think right now. 

Why Connection Matters

You know it. I know it. We ALL know it. 

Connection matters. But why? Because we need it. 

We humans are surprisingly simple animals. Our bodies and our minds (which, yes, are definitely still part of our bodies!) need connection. Meaningful connections reduce our stress levels, increase our sense of calm and confidence. And you know what? That improves our overall health. 

Yep. Loneliness can lead to increased risks of a whole host of chronic health issues, including cardiovascular disease and Dimentia. 

Health aside, it just feels nice not to be alone. We’ll be leading long lives, so why not enjoy it? 

Sometimes a lack of connection can increase our feelings of homesickness.
Read my tips for overcoming homesickness here.

What do I mean by connection? 

Connection can be boiled down to a fairly easy definition:

Having people who will miss you when you’re not around.

It might be a casual acquaintance at the gym who notices you’re not at your regular training session. Or maybe your sister calls you non-stop when you’ve missed your usual zoom session. If you’re very lucky, it’s your life-long bestie who remembers every important date in your life. 

For me living abroad, it took some time to start building up this network of connections. At first, it was simply the lady at the local bakery who asked after my daughter when she wasn’t with me. That made me feel seen and valued, probably more than this kind woman could ever have known. 

Slowly I began making connections through work and through my daughter’s kindergarten.Am I besties with every person I come across? Of course not!

Take this one Mother I enjoy talking with. Our kids are of similar ages, she’s also not from here and she’s lovely. We don’t yet have a deep connection but the ritual of sharing polite exchanges as we drop off or pick up our kids is comforting. 

It isn’t easy. To show up, to be vulnerable, to take myself out of the centre of the story? Hui. It’s tough. It takes courage every single day and sometimes, I don’t want to be brave anymore. 

How Do I Make Connections? (and how you can too!)

1. Stop Thinking

I know. It sounds counterintuitive, doesn’t it? But sometimes overthinking is our problem. 

Get out of your own head. 

Did the other person look at you funny, or are projecting your own insecurities? Do you really sound stupid or are you just being over critical of yourself? 

Let me tell you about the lovely Mother I chat with. After about a week of our casual chats, I felt like she was being less than enthused by our conversations. Her responses were a little shorter than usual; her responses slower.

Of course, like a mature adult, I decided that she didn’t like and my continued insistence on speaking with her was actually just driving her up the wall.

She was, I’d realised, just too polite to ignore me (and she couldn’t avoid me!). 

But then (of course, there’s a but coming!) I had an intriguing thought. If I feel insecure and awkward about speaking in German, maybe she felt the same way?

And hold on a second. I really struggle to switch languages when my kids are around. Maybe she does too?

The very next week, she shared with me that her youngest had been keeping her up most nights as he adjusted to being in childcare. *Aha!*

My own thoughts and perception had created this situation which, well, wasn’t a situation at all.

Every interaction has the potential to go wrong. Thinking that it will go wrong, or that it’s going terribly or worst of all, avoiding interaction in the first place has a 100% chance of going wrong. 

Avoid self-sabotage. Let go of your plan about how you thought this might go. Breathe. You’ve got this!

2. It’s just a moment in time 

This isn’t supposed to be demotivating. Quite the opposite! Let this truth free you. 

If you can’t nail down step one and quit thinking, then move quickly into this step: this is just one of many interactions you’ll have today.

Just a moment in time.

Like that one time I tried to order bread from the bakery and the lady just couldn’t figure out what I wanted. I felt so humiliated and embarrassed. I couldn’t let it go! This terrible interaction haunted me for months (and still does).

On the odd chance that your interaction was a spectacular failure (which it wasn’t, by the way!) remind yourself this stone-cold truth: that isn’t the last time I’ll speak to them. 

It’s easier said than done, I know. But like any skill, it gets easier with practice. 

In the most dire of circumstances when you just really, REALLY can’t let it go, then quick – it’s straight onto my third tip. 

3. It’s not all about you

For me, this is the one I struggle with the most.

In my head, thinking about my interactions, of course it’s all about me. 

But it’s not. It’s about the both of us. Me and the person I’m interacting with. Making connections is a two-way street. 

The sooner you remind yourself of that, the sooner you’re free to simply be. 

Did that person act strange with you because you said that one thing that came out in the wrong tone and now they most definitely never want to speak to you again? 

Or more probably, like my new school-gate bestie, she’d just had a rough night with her kids and was exhausted. Because it’s not all about you.

Whatever you have going on in your life and in your head, stop for a moment and remember this: the other person has stuff going on too. If they seem different, why not ask them if they’re ok?

The best way to build a connection is to invest in it. Care for it. Be generous toward it. 

Look After Yourself 

And there you have it. My three top tips for when you’re feeling like an outsider.

Be gentle on yourself. Go slow. Be Kind.

When in doubt, just breathe. Everything will become clear again. 

Get your FREE Expat Starter Kit. It’s filled with tips and tools to help you thrive in your first 90 days abroad.

And why not connect with me here? Let me know in the comments how you’ve overcome feeling like an outsider. 

The post How To Make Connections When You feel like an Outsider appeared first on Professional Support for Families Relocating to Germany.

I had no concept that there were different languages. 

Dressing up as an artist for the school dress-up day, I wore a beret and even had a little easel of cardboard to carry.   

Because the clothes were better than what I thought a writer would wear.

A writer is what I wanted to be. 

As far back as I can remember, I wanted to explore the world. 

To understand. 

Don’t just survive your first 30 days in Germany, thrive.

The Expat Starter Kit for Germany includes a first-month planner, helpful phrases for appointments and where to find support in your early days in Germany.

Get your FREE Expat Starter Kit

This is the point in my story where I should probably tell you that I still don’t understand everything. 

Sadly, I haven’t learnt every word in the world yet, either. But I have learnt German, so I’m closer to my goal. 

I’m not an artist. My clothes don’t even have that cool girl artsy aesthetic. 

And I haven’t yet explored the entire world. 

But here I am. 

Writing. 

Living abroad. 

Raising bilingual children. 

And having worked as a Social Worker, I can tell you that I’ve learnt plenty about people. 

How we connect.

Or don’t.

The way we try to find meaning in our lives.

How quickly hope can be lost. 

That through imperfection, we create the reality of our dreams.  

Why Blog?

As a Mum of two little people living abroad, I realised I had become invisible. 

To myself. 

Between adjusting to parenting, moving abroad, learning a new language and the madness of everyday life, I’d painted myself out of the picture. 

Completely.

My needs came last, if at all. 

Maybe you can relate to the fog of early parenting? Or the chaos of moving a family abroad? 

It was after our first visit back to Australia that I remembered. 

Writing.

I love books. Words. Exploring ideas. Hearing people’s stories. Learning from their experiences. 

I needed to write. 

Following our trip to Australia, we embarked on a five-week road trip through the Balkans. 

This was my space to begin thinking about what to write. 

A year on from those initial, tentative steps toward finding me again, and here we are. 

I am blogging to help you by providing a safe space.

A safe space for women parenting abroad. 

A dream space for families wanting to have adventures with their children. 

And an info hub for anyone who wants to visit Dresden, my current home.

But why Breathe in Between? 

It’s a combination of two phrases I use when under pressure.

“Breathe In”

The moment it takes to breathe in is all it takes. 

All it takes to diffuse a tense situation. To absorb challenging news. Or to find your calm during your toddler’s meltdown.

It’s a skill I’ve worked hard to master and still doesn’t always come easy.

I’m already trying to teach this priceless life skill of self-regulation to my kids (and sometimes it even works!). 

But like all families, we still have meltdowns, temper tantrums and daily complaints! 

“In Between”

These two words make difficult, challenging or near-impossible situations tolerable.

“This is not my life”, I’d tell myself when studying German left me so overwhelmed that I’d cry into my homework like the angsty teen I once was, “I’m just in between not knowing and knowing”. 

And I can say, in my life, I have been in between just about everything.

But it’s a phrase that gives me my power back. 

“I’m not a bad Mother. I’m in between knowing how to manage the old behaviour and learning how to manage this new behaviour.” 

Being in between helps me remain hopeful when everything feels hopeless.

“I’m not alone. I’m in between meeting new people and finding the right people.” 

But most of all, it reminds me to remain optimistic. 

Everything is always leading to another thing.

Life is never still. 

GET YOUR FREE EXPAT STARTER KIT

Why are you in Germany?

Fair question. 

After almost four years here, I have the same three reasons I had in 2019 when we decided to pack up everything and move across the world with our baby daughter.

My kids should be able to speak both languages fluently. 

They’re citizens of Australia (my home) and Germany (my husband’s home). 

For both of us, the ability of our children to connect with and know both cultures was of utmost importance. 

My kids deserve to have a relationship with their German family. 

And I stand by this. My children now have a relationship with Oma that melts my heart (even if she does my head in). 

I know what you’re thinking. “But Tara! What about your family?!” 

And that’s the complicated thing about marrying someone from the other side of the world.

One of us is always a foreigner. 

One side of our family will always miss out. 

It’s not an easy decision. 

The conversation is always open.

Will we be here forever? When will we move back? How would we support the kids through that transition? Are we missing out on a better life there?

Questions we will always have, yet the answers continue to elude us.  

I’d always dreamed of living abroad and exploring Europe.

There’s an ego underlying every decision we make.

And there’s mine. 

I’d dreamt of exploring the whole world. I still do.

Eastern Europe is a region that has always fascinated me. 

As a student of politics and sociology, this region offers a breathtaking amount of culture, history and more than a little social upheaval. 

A paradise for understanding, in other words. 

To my social worker’s mind, this part of the world offered nothing other than the opportunity to learn. 

My favourite thing to do!

And wouldn’t you know it? My husband hails from Dresden, a city in Germany’s East. 

A city previously behind the Iron Curtain.

From here, I’ve uncovered things about myself and people that I didn’t expect.

What I stand for.

How I interact with the world and how I am, in turn, shaped by it. 

Where I fit in this crazy world of ours.

Who I am.

What’s next?

Connecting with my readers. 

I would love nothing more than to hear your experiences of living abroad. 

Of parenting away from home. Or of adventuring with your little people. 

Through my content, I hope to advise, support and empower you to reach for your dreams. 

No matter how wild they seem! I’m still trying to learn every word in the world, syllable by syllable. 

But most of all, I want you to find you.

Like I have. Again.

And remember –

Breathe in. You’re only in between here and there. 

Wherever there is for you. 

The post The girl behind the blog appeared first on Professional Support for Families Relocating to Germany.