My Expat Motherhood Journey
At the airport, with my passport in hand, tears in my eyes and baby in my arms, I had entirely lost the confidence that this was the right decision. Was I really going to drag my daughter to the other side of the world? Welcome to the beginning of my expat motherhood journey.
Was this what I really wanted?
Today, after nearly 5 years in Germany, I can say it was the right decision.
The planning and the packing. The research about the visa requirements, job opportunities and professional recognition.
This move was right not only for my family, but for me. I have been recreated through this move.
In this post, I want to share my expat motherhood journey with you.
If you’ve ever thought about moving abroad, especially with kids, I hope my story gives you the confidence to explore the opportunities that living abroad can offer and maybe even the little push to jump in with both feet and make the big move.
But Why Germany?
The plan to move abroad didn’t come from nowhere.
My husband is German, and we’d always talked about living in Europe. One day.
As a Social Worker, I thrive from experiencing new cultures and exploring different ways of life. Language learning is something I’d always dreamed of. I was determined that my children would be world-citizens.
But talk is easy. Dreaming is fun. Action? Stepping out into the great unknown? That’s the scary bit!
At the time, I was on the doorstep of entering Motherhood and already dreading my eventual return to my emotionally draining and time-consuming Social Work career. I loved my work, but I just knew there was something more out there for me.
I felt stuck in a cycle of living to work. That was not how I planned to raise my baby. I wanted to thrive in Motherhood and keep that little bit of me, the adventurer, alive.
Germany became the obvious choice for our family not only because of our connections, but also for its family-oriented communities, world-class education system and the emphasis on work-life balance.
Underneath it all was a desire for more. We wanted more for our family. I wanted more. More connection, more experiences, more freedom.
If this story resonates, I share weekly letters full of encouragement, practical tips, and a little real talk about expat motherhood. I’d love to have you join.
Facing the Hard Truths of Change
Don’t get me wrong. I expected the move to be hard. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to build a new life in a new country in a new language.
But it was so much harder.
The early days were lonely. Caring for my daughter while my husband worked was lonely and every single day I had to be brave.
I missed my friends from home and grieved leaving the childcare educator behind, all the while feeling guilty for putting us in this situation.
I felt like we’d made a huge mistake by moving to Germany. That I’d made a huge mistake, thinking that I could parent abroad. What was I thinking? I was still learning how to parent.
On top of this was the stress of finding an apartment in a city I didn’t know in a system I didn’t understand. Was I being selfish?
Finding an apartment was harder than expected. “Are they for real?”, I thought after one inspection, “we have to build our OWN kitchen?!”. This was just one of the many culture shocks I experienced in the first few months in Germany.
Managing the bureaucratic appointments and the paperwork was overwhelming. I’d never felt more out of place and child-like than I did in those first months in Germany.
I didn’t recognise myself. Who was this woman? I had been transformed from a capable and confident woman with an optimistic outlook to someone who couldn’t even fill in a form without help.
This was not the expat motherhood journey I thought I’d signed up for.
My identity was shattered. Who was I now? My role as a Mother only complicated things more.
If you’re reading this and nodding your head, just know—you’re not alone. I see you. I’ve been there.
It Got Easier… Slowly
When I look back, those first months are an absolute blur.
But slowly, things did get easier.
It didn’t happen overnight. It was a gradual process of learning, adapting and accepting how things are and accepting me for who I am. Not who I thought I was or supposed to be.
I’ve experienced ups and downs since then, like anyone, but slowly, life here started to feel normal again.
There was one moment that made it all make sense. I remember it crystal clear.
I was helping my daughter take her coat and jacket off to go into her daycare when I asked her why she’d put her hat there. She looked up at me and said, “Sorry, Mama. I still learning”, and shrugged her shoulders.
In that moment, I realised why settling into Germany had been so hard. I was still learning. But I hadn’t given myself a moment of kindness or grace to accept what my not-quite-two-year-old fully understood.
Learning takes time.
And there’s no shame in not knowing. We’re all just learning.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and looking for extra support, read my Guide to Overcoming Expat Overwhelm.
My Personal Transformation
From that moment on, my mindset shifted. Instead of always asking “Why can’t I do this?!” and comparing my new experiences to my old self, I started asking “What can I learn today?”.
Slowly but surely, this question filled me with curiosity instead of fear and frustration. Instead of feeling anxious that I’d do something wrong, I became excited for the opportunity to improve.
I stopped trying to recreate my old life and started building a new one. This is when the story of my expat Motherhood journey and transformation really starts.
With my new mindset, my confidence grew. I built a network of friends who continue to support and inspire me, and learned the bureaucratic systems (and now proudly assist others to do the same!). I even learnt German.
The day that I was able to show my German husband how to book an appointment at the Burgerburo online was the day that I knew it would all get easier from here. What felt impossible five years ago is now second nature—and I’m proud to help other families navigate it, too.
Looking back now, I see how far I’ve come. I’m not the old me—I’ve grown into a more grounded, resilient version of myself, and I’ve never felt more certain that moving to Germany was the right decision.
Who I Am Now: The Mother I Became in Germany
I’ve heard motherhood described as the tearing apart of our old selves and the rebuilding of a new, better version of us. I think parenting abroad is the same.
Figuring out who I am as a Mother, while at the same time learning different approaches to parenting, was really hard. But once my mindset shifted, I no longer wondered “what am I doing wrong?” but rather “what can I learn from these other Mothers?”.
This mindset shift helped me in all areas of my life, but particularly as a Mother.
Motherhood is a process of learning, testing new skills, refining them and then learning something new, all over again. As your child grows and as you grow.
Learning Instead of Judging
Staying curious about how the German Mothers around me approached their responsibilities pushed me to consider my parenting choices, without judgment.
Topics such as unmedicated births (the norm in German hospitals), cosleeping and extended breastfeeding were routinely discussed, and I reflected on my views.
In my early days here, watching other Mother’s allow their children to climb, jump and play in ways that I thought were incredibly dangerous made me pause. I reflected on whether these games really were dangerous, or if I’d just absorbed the cultural norms of my home?
Seeing how other cultures parent their children forces us to learn that there are many ways to love our children and support them. Keeping my curiosity allowed me to understand that different doesn’t always mean bad.
I’m now a confident Mother. Learning to parent in a culture that isn’t my own has left me more grounded, humble, and I’m never afraid to ask for help.
Motherhood abroad has taught me that thriving in this season of life isn’t about having everything figured out. It’s about building a life that brings you and your family joy, stability and peace.
Lessons from my Expat Motherhood Journey
Here are the top 5 things I’ve learned from being a Mother abroad that might help you through this challenging journey.
- You don’t have to do it alone — It takes a village to raise a child. You just have to find yours now. Meeting other Mums, even the German ones, is empowering. This, above all, is the lesson I hope you can take from my writing today.
- Knowledge is power — The bureaucracy might feel overwhelming right now, but with the right support, you will be able to do it all. The first time I could attend an appointment alone and got it right was the day I knew I’d made it.
- Motherhood can expand, not shrink, abroad — It’s a blessing and not a shame to grow with your children. You don’t have to have it all figured out yet. There’s a unique bond that comes with discovering life with your children, not simply showing it to them.
- We all feel lost sometimes — And it’s ok! That’s where powerful change happens. But don’t let yourself stay in that dark place for too long – lost is best visited and quickly left behind. Whenever I feel like that, I try to remember that sinking in the swamp of confusion won’t change my situation but being curious about it will.
- The life you want abroad won’t build itself — But you can build it, one intentional step after the next. No matter how small that first step is, it’s a step in the right direction. This is your life, so make it one to be proud of!
And always remember that it takes time. You need time to adjust, learn and start building the life of your dreams here in Germany.
Last Reflections About My Expat Motherhood Journey
It’s not been an easy journey, but you know what? I wouldn’t change a thing.
I believe I am a better Mother because of our move to Germany.
Changing my mindset from one of self-criticism and judgment to one of curiosity has helped me learn how to better meet the needs of my children.
It’s also freed me from the pressure of needing to know. Needing to know how to do everything alone.
Now, I’m curious, confident and proud to be a Mother abroad. I’m raising bilingual kids and learning with them, through every step of our journey.
Ready to Start Your Own Expat Motherhood Journey?
Ready to thrive in Germany, not just survive? Get the support you need with my FREE guide.”
I’ve created it with you in mind. It’s everything you need to successfully take your first steps to build your dream life here in Germany.
👉 [Download the Free Family Relocation Guide to Germany]
Let’s build your dream life abroad that you not only survive, but thrive in.
P.S. I send out weekly letters with real talk, expat tips, and encouragement for navigating motherhood abroad. I’d love to welcome you to the community 💛
