How to Decide if Moving Abroad is Right For You

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Am I making a terrible mistake? 

Is this really what I wanted? 

What if my children grow up not knowing where they’re from? 

These thoughts were racing through my mind as we sped down the runway, finally departing for our new life as a family in Germany. 

After years of planning and months of being stalled, we were finally taking off and I felt every bit of optimism, excitement and hope fall away behind me.

Is moving abroad actually the right for me? Have we made the right decision? 

Have I made the right decision?

It’s a question that still pops up in my mind after four years away. The trouble is, what might have been never was. It isn’t the life I’m living right now. 

We make the best decisions possible with the information we have right now. We don’t have crystal balls to tell us what will happen in both alternate futures (or maybe you do? If so, please send me one ASAP!). 

So, if you’re in the early stages of figuring out if moving abroad is right for your family, here’s my strategy to support you to make the best decision you can right now. 

My “who, what, where, when, how long and why” strategy for decision-making will leave you feeling clearer about what you value and if this move is right for you. 

Grab a drink and a pen and turn your phone to silent. It’s time to make some decisions!

How to decide if moving abroad is right for you

Moving abroad can be terrifying, exhilarating and lonely.  

Maybe it’s a dream come true! Or maybe it’s becoming a necessity for your family. 

Whatever your situation, it’s a huge decision for your family. 

This decision will have far-reaching consequences for your whole family (they’re not all negative, either).

But how do you know if it’s right for you? 

There is no wrong answer to this question. 

We all bring our values about family into this decision-making process. 

Our ideas of what it means to be a family, our career aspirations, and the life we imagined for our children are likely to be tumbling around your head while trying to decide if moving abroad is right for you. 

It’s normal to be a little bit overwhelmed!

When making life-changing decisions, you can only do your best with the information you have. Whatever decision you make will be the right one for your family.

 

Do you know why? 

We always work to make our decisions serve us.

So, if you’re looking for a cheat sheet to take out the hard part of this decision-making process and a guarantee that you’re doing it all right, I’m afraid I can’t offer that. 

But I can offer a method for breaking down the problem into teeny tiny parts and considering it from all angles to assist you in finding the best outcome for you. 

Who, what, where, when, How long and why? 

These are the questions that we’re going to consider throughout this post. 

They seem simple because, well, they are. 

From little things, big things grow.

First, we’ll break this huge decision down into manageable, everyday questions. 

This allows you to find clarity among the noise: the nagging questions and doubts. 

This post is not trying to convince you to move abroad!

The experience of living abroad is something I’d never change for my family. But it’s not for everyone.

I aim to simplify the decision-making process to help you decide if a move abroad is right for you. Hopefully, this exercise offers you clarity and reduces your anxiety. 

And remember: even though I’ve divided the process up into separate sections, you’ll definitely have overlap between them.  

Grab a pen and scribble your answers down to these questions in your FREE fillable workbook.

Who will benefit from moving abroad?

First things first. 

Consider each family member and ask if they will benefit from the move abroad. 

Now, think about who will benefit the most from moving abroad. 

It’s ok if it serves you the most! 

Maybe the move would be for your career? Or because you’ve always wanted to live abroad?

This is not about judgement. It’s about remembering that each member of the family will draw something different from the move. You need to know who will benefit from the move to address any potential issues before they arise. 

For my family, the decision to move abroad served each of us differently. For my children, they have built relationships with their German Oma. My husband returned home.

And me? Part of it was nothing more than my ego. I wanted to live in Europe. 

It’s not always going to be so clear-cut. 

Take out the self-judgement and fear and just start jotting down who benefits from the move. 

What will be achieved by moving abroad?

Get clear on what you want to achieve in the new country. 

Will you be moving abroad to be closer to family or friends? 

Is your aim of moving to pursue a specific work opportunity? 

Maybe there’s an area of study available to you there that is impossible in your home country? 

Whatever you hope to achieve by moving abroad with your family, you need to be clear on it. 

Living abroad can sometimes be hard and lonely. 

When the going gets tough, you can look back on what you wanted to achieve and measure your success. 

For me, there were three ‘whats’ for our family were:

• Children experience life in Germany with their paternal family. 
• Me to learn German.
• To experience family life in Germany. 

Happily, I can report that after four years we’ve achieved all three ‘whats’. 

But having those three ‘whats’ clearly articulated before we moved allowed me to keep my eyes on the prize when life here got me down.

Sometimes I could see how far I’d come, how close I was to achieving our goals. At other times these “whats” were like a guiding light, helping me reorient my efforts when I felt lost and overwhelmed. 

Whatever it is, your “whats” will motivate you and push you through the challenges abroad. 

Read more about the challenges I faced when moving abroad and how I moved through them in my post “Why living abroad sucks (and how to overcome it)”.

Where will you move? 

If you’re already reading this post, you’ve probably already got a good idea of where you might move. 

We, for example, never considered anywhere other than Dresden. If we wanted our children to have a relationship with their paternal family (our ‘what’), then why move to another city? 

But where exactly?

What do you know about the city?

Consider the different areas of the city. Which parts are a better fit for families? 

Where are there schools, kindergartens, sporting clubs and other international families that you can easily interact with? 

These considerations can change your perspective and help you decide if moving abroad is right for you and your family. 

Of course, in your early considerations of moving abroad with your family, you probably won’t have all these details figured out. 

But start to get specific now. 

The sooner you get lost in the weeds deciding where you will move, the sooner you’ll have a reliable set of ideas to inform your decision-making. 

So start researching now. 

Use this exercise now to jot down a few questions you have to help you refine your ideas about where you would like to relocate to. 

Some ideas to help: 

• Google “best place for international families [your prospective city]” and see what others have experienced (expect Reddit and Quora to show up).
• Join Facebook groups of international families in your desired city and ask the question: where should we move to?
• Search for information for foreign families published by the city you’re interested in moving to. 

In my experience, other international families have always been happy to share their knowledge and experiences with newcomers to the community. 

And you know what? If you do move to that city, then you’ve already made some social connections. 

When will you move? 

Is this a pipedream with a “when we’re ready” kind of timeframe attached? Or is this a “there’s a work opportunity and I have to let them know next month” kind of situation? 

Either way, a few things to consider that will give you clarity and confidence in your decision are:

• How long will it take to plan and execute your plan?
• If your children are of school age, which time of year makes the most sense for their transition?
• Will you both secure jobs before you arrive in your new city?
• How long will it take in your new country to secure appropriate accommodation?
• What’s the visa process required for your family to relocate?
• Do you want to travel around your new country before settling into your new life?
• Are there any pressure points requiring you to move quickly? Your new job or family commitments, for example.
• Will you offer your children additional settling-in time before they commence school or kindergarten?
• How much time do you need before the move to tie up lose ends, such as selling or renting out your home and packing and shipping belongings?

Despite your best efforts, sometimes the world will make it clear when you’ll be relocating. 

We had everything planned, packed and were eagerly awaiting our departure from Australia on March 30, 2020. 

Then the world shut down.

You can’t control everything, but having a plan gives you the flexibility and confidence to pivot when the world has other ideas. 

How long will you live abroad? 

The question of how long is central when considering if moving abroad with your family is right for you. 

Maybe you have a time-limited contract and will reside abroad only for its duration. Or perhaps you’d like this to be an indefinite relocation?

If you’re like us, maybe you’ve decided to test life out in your new home for a few years with the agreement to revisit this question at specific time intervals. 

As a family, you all must understand the plan from the start. 

Plans will change and that’s ok but as a family, you need to be clear on your game plan. Like every big decision we make with other people, it all comes down to communication.  

How long is too long for you to live away from home? Is there a specific circumstance that would make you pack up straight away? 

This will all be neatly connected to your answers to the questions What will be achieved by moving abroad? Reread what you’ve already written there and ponder this question again. 

From the start, our plan was to reside in Dresden for three to five years. Here we are, already four years in, and we’re no closer to deciding where we’ll be “settling down”. 

Whatever that means. 

Why are you moving?

Typically, getting people to think about their Why is where I’d start in any decision-making process. 

Articulating the ‘why’ is often the most difficult part. 

That’s why, for this decision-making process, I’ve left it for last.

You already have most of the pieces of the puzzle in your notes, so fleshing out your why, really teasing out the deep meanings, should be easy enough. 

Your why might be different from your partner’s (if you have a partner) and that’s ok. 

But you need to talk about it together. 

You need to find your why, but also the why of your family. 

So, maybe your why is “because I’ve got this great job opportunity”. 

But you need to go deeper. 

Why is moving my family abroad for a job beneficial to all of you? 

Think about what you’ve written down for your who, what, where, when and how long to bring together your why. 

Your why matters. Your why will get you to make big and scary decisions, to pack up your life here and setup a new one there. It’s the why thay you’ll return to every time things get hard.

And they will get hard. 

The why will be central to the story you tell yourself and each other about this chapter of your lives.

It will also play a huge role in deciding if moving abroad with your family is right for you.

Your why, in short, is everything. So get clear on it. 

Decision Time

Now that you’ve scribbled down some of your answers to these questions, take some time and reflect on them. 

Take the answers you’ve got now and make a “to find out” list for yourself. Is there more information you need about any of these points? 

Reflect on your answers, your values and your aspirations for your family. Only when they all align will you be able to decide if moving abroad is right for you. 

Remember that there are no wrong answers and no wrong decisions. What is right for you might not be right for someone else. 

Be honest with yourself and your family. 

I hope you’ve found this useful and I wish you all the best in deciding if moving abroad is right for you and your family. 

Have you moved abroad with your family? How did you make the decision? Let me know in the comments below. 

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