Updated by Tara on 21 January, 2026
Moving Abroad With a Baby: When my Confidence Quietly Vanished
At the airport, with my passport in hand, tears in my eyes and my baby in my arms, I wondered, “Have we made the right decision?”. I suddenly questioned if what we’d decided to do was, in fact, the right decision. My confidence was already wavering.
Was I really going to drag my daughter to the other side of the world? Was this what I really wanted?
Today, after more than five years living in Germany, I can say that the decision was right, even if at the beginning it felt anything but.
Like most families preparing for an international move, we planned carefully.
The packing. The visas. The logistics. The research into work, childcare, and life abroad.
What I didn’t fully plan for was how deeply the move would change me.
Not just as a professional. Not just as a partner. But as a mother finding her footing in unfamiliar ground.
This is my story about moving to Germany but reallyit could be your story. It’s a story about what happens inside a family when everything familiar disappears at once.
If you’re planning a move, or already navigating life abroad with children, I hope this helps you see what’s normal, what’s hard, and why none of it means that you’ve failed.
Why We Chose Germany (and the Weight of Wanting to “Get It Right”)
TGermany wasn’t a random choice for us.
It was carefully considered — professionally, practically, and financially.
We believed it would offer opportunity, stability, and a rich cultural experience for our family. And in many ways, it has.
But looking back, I can see how much pressure I placed on myself to make it work.
Not just the country.
Not just the logistics.
But motherhood itself — as if choosing to move meant I had to prove it was worth the disruption.
That quiet pressure followed me long after we arrived.
If this story resonates, I share weekly letters full of encouragement, practical tips, and a little real talk about expat motherhood. I’d love to have you join.
The Reality of Expat Motherhood: When Everything Familiar Is Gone
I expected the move to be hard. Like, really hard. If nothing else, I accepted that learning a new language would be a tough starting point.
What I didn’t expect was how disorienting it would feel to have all of my markers of independence disappear overnight.
Those early days were lonely. Caring for my daughter while my husband worked was lonely. Every day needed me to be brave, even the unremarkable ones.
I missed my friends. I grieved the ease of the familiar. And underneath it all was guilt. I felt guilty for choosing this life for us and couldn’t stop asking the questions “Did I make the right decision?”
I began questioning myself constantly.
Had we made a mistake?
Had I made a mistake thinking I could parent abroad when I was still learning how to parent at all?
On top of these confidence crushing questions came the logistics of day-to-day life: finding an apartment, navigating systems I didn’t understand, attending appointments in a language I couldn’t yet speak, all the while wondering “when will this get easier?”.
I didn’t recognise myself anymore.
I felt like I had transformed from being a capable, confident woman to a child needing support to achieve even the most basic tasks.
This wasn’t the expat motherhood journey I thought I’d signed up for.
My identity felt shaken, and learning how to be a mother at the same time only intensified that feeling.
If you’re reading this and nodding your head, just know—you’re not alone. I see you. I’ve been there.
Identity Loss After Moving Abroad (Why This Is Normal)
If you recognise yourself in this experience, then I want you to know that:
You’re not alone and there is nothing wrong with you.
This is what ongoing change does to us (yes, even you).
So much of adult confidence is built on familiarity:
- knowing how systems work
- trusting your instincts
When those disappear, self-doubt often follows. Transition is hard, but when everything you’ve ever known has changed, it’s even harder.
Add motherhood into the mix, and the emotional load multiplies.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and looking for extra support, read my Guide to Overcoming Expat Overwhelm.
When Your Child Adapts Faster Than You
One of the hardest moments for me came when my daughter started daycare.
She cried at drop-off and tears flowed freely from my eyes as I left the daycare centre.
I felt like a failure and I couldn’t even explain why.
But then, just like that, she adjusted.
She learned the language faster than I did (it’s so easy for kids!). Friends were made and her confidence grew and grew.
Watching her taught me something that I’d always known in theory, but hadn’t yet experienced:
Learning is not a failure. It is the work.
Finding Stability Abroad: Not by Fixing, but by Understanding
What helped me wasn’t pushing harder or trying to “be more resilient.”
It was understanding what prolonged change actually does to a nervous system — especially when you’re responsible for supporting children through it too.
Slowly, I stopped interpreting discomfort as a sign I’d made the wrong decision.
I started seeing it as information.
That shift changed everything.
Who I Am Now (and What This Season Gave Me)
I still live abroad and yes, it’s still hard sometimes.
I’m not sure if that feeling will ever go away but it no longer makes me question my entire identity.
Instead, I lean into the confidence I’ve built over the last five years and trust myself to keep learning. To keep going. Because that’s what has got me this far.
This season taught me:
- patience
- humility
- emotional flexibility
- and a deeper understanding of what families actually need during transition
Lessons from my Expat Motherhood Journey
Here are the top 5 things I’ve learned from being a Mother abroad that might help you through this challenging journey.
- You don’t have to do it alone — It takes a village to raise a child. You just have to find yours now. Meeting other Mums, even the German ones, is empowering. This, above all, is the lesson I hope you can take from my writing today.
- Knowledge is power — The bureaucracy might feel overwhelming right now, but with the right support, you will be able to do it all. The first time I could attend an appointment alone and got it right was the day I knew I’d made it.
- Motherhood can expand, not shrink, abroad — It’s a blessing and not a shame to grow with your children. You don’t have to have it all figured out yet. There’s a unique bond that comes with discovering life with your children, not simply showing it to them.
- We all feel lost sometimes — And it’s ok! That’s where powerful change happens. But don’t let yourself stay in that dark place for too long – lost is best visited and quickly left behind. Whenever I feel like that, I try to remember that sinking in the swamp of confusion won’t change my situation but being curious about it will.
- The life you want abroad won’t build itself — But you can build it, one intentional step after the next. No matter how small that first step is, it’s a step in the right direction. This is your life, so make it one to be proud of!
And always remember that it takes time. You need time to adjust, learn and to start building the life of your dreams.
If You’re Navigating an International Move With Children
If you’re in the middle of an international move, or preparing for one, you don’t have to rely on instinct alone.
I’ve created a free Expat Starter Kit to help families understand the emotional, practical, and relational shifts that come with relocation. Especially in the early months.
Download the Free Family Relocation Guide to Germany
Ready for a stress-free Relocation?
You’re not behind.
You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re in transition.
