You’ve made it! Your family packed up, survived the flights, and arrived safely in Germany. Jetlag is still lingering and your to-do list is growing by the minute.
And then it hits you—you’re in a new country, surrounded by unfamiliar faces, and you realise you need support. Who do you turn to?
Whether you’re still dreaming of your new life in Germany or you’re already here, it doesn’t take long to realise that you need people.
Having people you can rely on, share the emotional challenges of building a new life, and turn to for guidance is what allows you to truly thrive in your new life in Germany.
As a relocation coach and expat Mum, I remember how alone I felt at the beginning of my new life in Germany. I had never felt lonelier.
It can be tough to build new connections as an adult. But it’s not impossible. And once you build that network, nothing can stop you from building the life of your dreams.
This post will outline why support networks matter, how to find your people and where to start building your new expat support network that get you.
These are the tips I wish I’d had when I found myself lonely in my new home.
1. Why a Support Network Matters Even More Abroad
Moving your family abroad is one of the most exciting and rewarding things you can do together. It is also probably one of the most emotionally challenging steps you can take.
Relocating to a country where you know no one, are unfamiliar with the bureaucracy, the culture and the language is as hard as it sounds. But you can do hard things!
Getting out there and meeting people all while being the best parent you can be is a lot.
Without an expat support network, even the smallest of problems can feel overwhelming.
When your little one is sick, who do you call to understand the advice from the Kinderarzt? How do you navigate your way through the process of Childcare and School Registration alone? And who can bear the weight of your homesickness, doubts and worry?
The impact of ongoing loneliness is well-known. Recent research shows the direct link between loneliness and negative health effects, both physical and psychological* The most decisive factor in if someone will feel lonely? The quality of our personal relationships.
A support network is even more crucial for expats in Germany because it is considered to be one of the hardest places for an expat to get started**.
Building an expat support network gives you:
- Emotional grounding
- Access to local knowledge and recommendations
- Practical support through playdates and childcare
- Ongoing encouragement through the tough times
You’re not meant to do this alone.
Read more about my expat motherhood journey.
2. Start Connecting Before You Arrive
This might sound crazy, but it is possible to start building connections before you’ve left to start your new life abroad.
Here are a few ways that I was able to connect with other expat families in my new home of Dresden before I got there:
Join Facebook groups for expat families in your future city.
Introduce yourself! Try searching for groups using the following terms:
- “International Families [your future city]”
- “English speaking Moms/ Mums [your future city]”
- “[Your nationality] in Germany/ [your future city]
Join Meetup.com
Explore interest groups of every variety and events that suit you and your family.
Reach Out to Your Social Circle
Ask for recommendations or connections to Germany. Many Mothers are happy to meet with a friend of a friend of a friend to welcome them abroad!
We all remember those first months in the new city and are always willing to support a newcomer.
Follow Creators in Germany
Find both expat creators living in Germany and local creators in your future city.
They’ll often share local tips and information about local events you can join. Some of my current favourites are @jordanprince, @hannahteslin and @Brittanyallaine.
By getting started early, you’ll already have a sense of community before you even get on the plane.
3. Where to Find Your Community in Germany (Without Needing German!)
The language barrier can be overwhelming when you first arrive, but it doesn’t have to stop you from building your expat network.
Some ways that I managed to slowly meet new people were through:
- Local expat groups: Start with local expat groups on Facebook. Many of these groups have regular family meetups or virtual events that help you connect with others.
- International Schools and bilingual kindergartens: International schools and bilingual kindergartens can also be great hubs for meeting like-minded families.
- Local Libraries: Local libraries often host events and activities for children. Here you’ll have the opportunity to meet other families in an informal setting. You’ll be surprised how many parents will speak with you in English!
- Clubs (Kultur- or Sportvereine): These are huge in Germany! There’s something to meet every interest and in larger cities, there’s also a lot in English.
Now don’t panic. It’s okay to start small. Go to one event. Smile at one other parent at the local playground. Introduce yourself to another parent at your child’s Kindergarten.
Every connection counts.
Here are my top tips to making connections, even when you feel like an outsider.
4. Making Friends 101: How to Start Conversations That Lead to Friendship
You’re not the only one looking for connection. Everyone wants it. Especially other parents.
I know how intimidating it can be speaking with strangers. Throw in a potential language barrier and it can be downright terrifying.
I remember when I was new to Dresden, alone with my daughter while my husband worked. We visited a different playground every day. I was terrified every time someone even looked my way!
“What if they don’t speak English?!”, I panicked.
Slowly, after watching my daughter confidently interact with everyone, regardless of language, I started to do the same.
At first, I just smiled. Then, I started greeting other parents with a small wave.
Playground and drop-off chats don’t need to be weighty and meaningful. Just friendly.
Here are my favourite introductions:
- “Hi. We’ve just moved here from [your home country]. I’m so happy I found this [playground/ Kindergarten/ Parent group]. Do you come here often?”
- “I noticed that your little one is around the same age as my [son/ daughter]. Can you recommend any playgrounds in the area?”
- “I’m new to the city. Do you happen to know any good coffee spots I can visit with the kids?”
- “So you’re [insert child’s name] Mother/ Father. My son/ daughter has been talking about them. I’m [your name].”
Don’t overthink it. Keep it light and friendly. Despite their reputation for being reserved, German parents are just like the rest of us – trying to figure out this crazy adventure we call parenthood!
5. Finding Practical Support You Can Trust: Childcare and Other Help
Sometimes your expat support network meets your emotional needs and sometimes it gives you the practical help you need!
Assistance with childcare, for example. Juggling the everyday demands of school drop-offs, cooking and cleaning alongside work is always a challenge, but all the more when you’re on your own in a new country.
Here are a few places I was able to find some practical assistance in my early days in Germany:
- Expat Facebook Groups: You can ask for recommendations of trusted babysitters, house cleaners, holiday activities and just about anything else!
- Kietzee.com: A platform offering Berlin-specific service suggestions and the chance to be connected with German-based professionals from a wide-range of disciplines, including midwives and babysitters, among others.
- Betreut.de: If you don’t have a local contact to ask, use this platform to find trusted babysitters, nannies, and household help.
Being able to rely on someone you trust to help with childcare or cleaning, even just once a week, can make a huge difference for how quickly you’re able to feel settled in your new home.
6. Online Support for the Tougher Times
Let’s be real. Outside of the excitement of moving abroad and meeting new people and experiencing new things, there will be days of homesickness and loneliness.
If you don’t feel like you can yet share your deeper struggles with your new contacts, try these places for some additional support:
- Facebook groups: Those specifically dedicated to parenting abroad may offer you a place to feel seen and share your struggles with other people who have been in your position before.
- Online therapy platforms: There are many online therapy providers now, such as BetterHelp (available internationally) and MyTherapist, a German-based support service.
- Group coaching or Workshops: Like the ones I offer, these connect you with a skilled professional who will teach you the skills to move through the challenges of living abroad and other women with similar experiences.
While I always encourage expat families to make in person connections as often as they can, there are times when we just need to feel seen, without the language or cultural barrier. These online spaces can offer you that.
Feeling overwhelmed since the move? Here are my tips and resources for overcoming expat overwhelm.
7. What If I Don’t Live In a City?
Smaller cities and towns are not teeming with international meet ups.
I get it. TRUST ME! Dresden has one of the lowest expat communities in all of Germany (only around 11% compared to around 30% across all of Germany!)***.
In this case, you need to be more intentional about how you build your expat support network.
Here are a few tips that might help:
- Start a WhatsApp group for international parents at your child’s school or Kindergarten (or internationally-minded and bi-lingual local parents).
- Join Facebook groups for international families in the nearest large city and post your location and your intention of building new connections in your area. You never know who else is in the group!
Don’t wait to be invited! Sometimes you can be the community creator in your area.
You Deserve a Village – Even While Living Abroad
Settling into your new life in Germany is about more than just conquering the country’s bureaucracy. It’s about creating a life where you and your children feel like you belong.
And that starts with your expat support network.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, lonely, or unsure where to begin, always remember: you’re not alone.
There are hundreds if not thousands of other women who have been in your position. Including me!
I’ve created a free guide to support you through your first steps in Germany—complete with useful German phrases to start those initial conversations.
👉 [Download the Free Family Relocation Guide to Germany]
Let’s build the dream life abroad where you don’t just survive—you thrive.
And if you’re ready for 1:1 support with your relocation journey, I’d love to help you feel confident, connected, and at home in Germany.
Let’s build your village—starting today. 💛
Sources
* Domènech-Abella and colleagues (2023) explored over 100 studies and found that loneliness is most closely linked to the quality of our relationships, living situation, and mental and physical health—not just age or gender. Read the Domènech-Abella and colleagues literature review.
** InterNations (2023) conducted a survey of expats worldwide and concluded that expats in Germany are among the least happy in the world. Read the 2023 InterNations expat happiness report for Germany.
*** Data from 2023 shows that close to 30% of people residing in Germany have migration background (full report here), while data from 2024 indicates that around 12% of Dresden residents have migration background (full report here).
