Expat Overwhelm: How to Overcome It

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Expat Overwhelm 

Did you know that expats are 2.5 times more likely to experience anxiety and depression? 50% of us are put in the “High Risk” category for suffering anxiety and depression*. 

Expat Overwhelm leaves you feeling dazed and unable to complete basic tasks. The culture shock, social adjustment and emotional challenges of moving abroad all play a role in your experience of Expat Overwhelm. 

In my first winter in Germany, I lost hats, gloves, wallet, and keys. I’d never before been so muddle-headed. I felt uneasy about visiting new places. Engaging with strangers filled me with dread. I often sat on the couch, feeling dazed and unsure what to do next. 

This all left me feeling humiliated, shameful and filled with self-doubt. 

The good news? You can prepare yourself for some of these challenges and overcome this phase of adjustment.  

What is Expat Overwhelm? 

Expat Overwhelm is the result of experiencing increased stress for a prolonged period. The feeling of “What do I do now?” combined with “How do I do it?” and “Who can I ask for help?” underpins this kind of overwhelm. 

Also called “Expat syndrome”, Expat Overwhelm is often misunderstood. Instead of seeking support or, in extreme cases treatment, individuals internalise their experiences and wonder “What’s wrong with me?”. 

Experiencing stress, social isolation and believing that you are somehow to blame can culminate in a freeze response. The classic feeling of being “stuck”. This is the Expat Overwhelm taking over. 

Appropriately addressing Expat Overwhelm requires a holistic assessment of your circumstances. Many symptoms can be misdiagnosed and pathologised, further exacerbating your stress and anxiety. 

Symptoms of Expat Overwhelm

Symptoms of expat overwhelm can include:

• General confusion 
• Forgetfulness
• Reduced ability to concentrate  
• Fatigue 
• Disturbed sleep 
• Self-doubt

If you are in danger and need emergency support, contact these services. 

Why Does Expat Overwhelm Happen?

Coping as an expat can be tough. 

You are confronted with new situations, challenges and ways of thinking that require you to be brave and show up every day, even when you really don’t want to. 

Examples of challenges are:

Language barrier
The inability to understand or be understood can be particularly stressful, particularly in healthcare settings. 

Limited social network
Not having trusted friends to lean on in challenging times can exacerbate negative feelings. 

Cultural differences
No matter where you move to, there will be differences in social interactions, festivals and celebrations. 

Cognitive Dissonance
Sometimes how you thought living abroad would be doesn’t match how living abroad really is. For example, I imagined easily making new connections through my friendly nature and striking up conversations with people but this was at odds with how locals interacted with one another. 

Changes in diet 

Food is central to our culture but it is also central to our health and wellbeing. A sudden shift in our eating habits can leave us with stomach aches and reduced energy. Talk to other expats to learn where you can find familiar food or simply what it’s called in the local language. 

Different climate
Adjusting to how our bodies cope in the extreme heat, the extreme cold or the extremely humid takes it’s toll in unexpected ways. Increased hunger and fatigue, and sourcing and wearing different clothes are just two examples. 

If you’re a Mum abroad, these challenges can feel even greater. 

Not only are you managing your own experiences but you’re also supporting your children and partner.

It is a lot! 

Why It’s Not Your Fault

You are not experiencing Expat Overwhelm because you are:

• Weak
• Lazy
• Stupid

Like other forms of stress, Expat Overwhelm creeps up on us in the face of new challenges. This stress becomes more powerful as we start believing that we can’t do it. 

Isn’t Expat Overwhelm just feeling homesick? 

Not quite. 

Feeling homesick is an acute longing for the familiar. The sudden urge to smell your Mum’s cooking or the surprising pang of sadness when you put up the Christmas Tree and it just doesn’t feel the same. 

In it’s most extreme form, feeling homesick can manifest with severe physical and emotional symptoms. It is a sickness, afterall. 

Expat Overwhelm is an experience of stress that can keep you stuck and stop you from fulfilling your goals of living abroad. For example, in the overwhelmed state, you may be unable to be productive, social or emotionally available to your family.

	Expat Overwhelm	Feeling homesick
Emotional Symptoms	Self-doubtLoneliness	Longing for home.Missing family and friends.
Physical Symptoms	Fatigue Disturbed sleep
Cognitive Symptoms	General confusion ForgetfulnessReduced ability to concentrate	Distracted or preoccupied by thoughts of home.
Social Symptoms		Self-isolation.

Read my post about overcoming homesickness here. 

From Overwhelm to a New Normal 

A challenging beginning

The first year of anyone’s new life abroad will be filled with surprising and unexpected challenges. 

I relocated to Germany during the Pandemic. Was it the worst time to begin a new life in a foreign country? Quite probably. I had no language skills, no social connection and we couldn’t travel around Europe like we’d planned. 

Yikes! Just thinking about it again gives me the shivers. 

You can read more about my story here. 

What was so difficult? 

Language Barrier

I couldn’t say much more than “My name is Tara”. The problem is, once you’ve told someone your name, you generally don’t have to do it again! 

As an articulate woman who’s professional career relies on communication, this language barrier quickly became a significant issue. Practically, professionally but more than that, emotionally. My sense of self was impacted. Who was I if I couldn’t engage with people? 

No Social Connections

Sure, I now have a rich circle of friends. But then? No one. 

I attended international family events as often as I could but then came the lockdowns (remember those?!). 

And let’s be honest – trying to engage with new people with your toddler zooming around, interrupting at every change is no easy feat. 

Clash of Cultures 

I didn’t understand the people. The social norms confused me, i couldn‘t read the social cues and seasonal traditions and festivals were completely new to me. 

In short: everything was new. Everything I thought I knew about the world didn’t count here.

What did this cause?

At first, none of this bothered me. Everything was new. What an adventure! 

But quickly I began doubting myself. The adventure wasn’t fun anymore. What was I doing with my life? Was this the greatest mistake I could ever have made for my child? 

Persistent, intrusive thoughts were deafening me and with no friends to share my struggles with, I could only see evidence of my failings.

I was Unbelievably forgetful. My decision-making capacity almost vanished. Life, at that time, just felt all too much.  

What helped my Expat Overwhelm?

Building a social network

Everyday, I aimed to interact with someone outside of my family. At first, with other expats and later, with locals. Slowly these small interactions became solid friendships that I still lean on today.

Language learning 

The more I understood, the more I could participate in everyday life. I slowly took my power back and began feeling like the competent woman I know I am.

Accepted my limits 

I had to accept that I was a bit slower at everything. I gave myself permission to slow down and to feel however I felt. My only rule? No giving up. 

“I’m not stupid, I’m just learning!” 

In life, there will always be something new to master. Language, parenting, professional skills – they all take time, energy and commitment. Be patient and kind to yourself.

Remembering our why

Our driving motivation was for our children to be bi-lingual. This memory kept me moving forward, even in the hardest of times. 

Time 

Settling into a new home takes time. This is true if you move to a new city or a new country. Everyday, remind yourself that it won’t be like this forever. 

Strategies to Overcome Expat Overwhelm 

The good news? Expat Overwhelm isn’t forever.

Here are some strategies to help you cope with the stress of adjusting to your new home and move forward in your new life. 

Implement Daily and Weekly Routines

You are creating a new normal here and to feel at home, you and your family need stability and predictability. 

From a biological perspective, we need routine: eating, sunshine, movement, sleep. When your body knows what to expect, your brain can relax and the rest will fall into place. 

Use these biological cues as the cornerstone of your routine. For example, get outside and move your body as soon as you wake up.

Predictability gives us a sense of well-being and control. From this place of power, you can slowly implement other strategies to overcome your feelings of overwhelm. 

Slowly, day-after-day, this new routine will begin to feel normal. You new normal.

Create a Support Network 

You will need to invest time and energy into building friendships in your new home. 

Connect with other expats through Facebook Groups to begin building friendships. These will become the strong foundation of your new life.

Set Realistic Expectations 

Expat Overwhelm rears his ugly head when our expectations don’t match our reality. 

Learning the language might be harder than you expected. Perhaps the work culture isn’t as social as you’d hoped or meeting people is difficult 

Whatever the issue, it’s time to have more realistic expectations of yourself. 

Adjusting to your new life abroad kid causing you stress. Take the pressure off, for now. Before you know it, you’ll be back at it, conquering ever challenge that comes your way! 

Practice Self-care

You can’t pour from an empty cup. 

It’s a cliche for a reason. 

At the start of your new life abroad you will give everything to making your new life work. From visas to apartment searching, to emotionally supporting your kids, to figuring out where to find that specific cake ingredient you need. 

Your time and your energy will be given out and taken from you in unexpected ways.

So from the beginning, when you’re planning the daily and weekly routines, include time for you. 

It doesn’t have to be hours a day (though if you have time for that massage or bubble bath, do it!). Carve out 20 minutes a day for you. Stretch, journal, listen to a podcast: whatever brings you back to center. 

Expat Overwhelm can easily lead to severe anxiety or depression when left unresolved, so please take care of yourself. 

Small Steps, Big Changes 

Expat Overwhelm, interestingly, isn’t universal. Not every expat experiences it. 

Some people settle into their new lives without problem. Why are they so lucky? What’s different about their experience? 

Partly, your temperament is to blame. Some people are just more adaptable than others. 

However, managing your expectations and building a supportive community will reduce your feelings of overwhelm when you arrive. 

Here are some practical tips that you can start implementing now. 

Find other expats
Join local expat facebook groups, show up at the goofy International Friends dinners and just get out there.

Keep a journal
This can be a daily diary, goal-setting or just getting all of your mean-girl thoughts out of your head. I don’t mean spend hours a day on this task (unless you can, then do it!). Simply jotting down your struggles from the day or musing on what you’re grateful for can help.

Engage with the locals 

Get amongst the quirky festivals, strange parades and odd celebrations of your new home. You didn’t move here to lead the very same life you had at home! The sooner you’re able to engage with and better understand how the locals view the world, the sooner you’ll start to feel at home.

Do what you loved at home here as well

Loved dancing at home? Keep it up! Did yoga daily? Don’t stop now. Whatever you did routinely at home, do it in your new home. Sure, I want you to engage with the locals but that doesn’t mean giving up what makes you, you.

And Now Over To You   

Expat Overwhelm is real. If you’re feeling like everything is just too much, you can’t find your centre or you’re lost in self-doubt and anxiety, be kind to yourself.

By proactively planning your routines and how you hope to make social connections, you can give yourself the best chance of a strong start in your new home. 

Implement one thing daily from your home that makes your heart sing and be patient as your new life unfolds. 

Below I’ve compiled a list of online counselling and therapy options available in English if you need additional support. There’s power in asking for help. 

Feeling overwhelmed? Contact me for a personalized coaching session to help you thrive abroad.

My weekly newsletter is filled with tips and tricks for Mum’s living abroad, including my favourite resources, travelling tips and of course, practical tips for your daily struggles.  

I wish you all the best in your new adventures! 

Have you ever felt Expat Overwhelm? Share your experiences in the comments below. 

Emergency Support 

Online Support Services

1. My International Therapy

Self-described as “by expats, for expats”, this is a fantastic place to find support if you’re struggling with Expat Overwhelm. With the option of online or on-site consultations in Berlin available, you are able to seek out a professional who best matches you and your unique needs. 

2. It’s Complicated Platform
With the specific aim of connecting expats with English-speaking therapists (60 languages in all if English isn’t your Mother tongue), this online allows you to browse professionals with a wealth of experience, specialities and modalities to find your perfect match. Online and in-person session available, with practicing professionals based across Europe and the US. 

3. Mindler
An app-based platform offering online therapy sessions in many languages with professionals boasting experience in offering various forms of support, specifically for stress management, anxiety and depression.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

What is Expat Overwhelm?

Expat Overwhelm is a term used to incorporate feelings of anxiety, stress, fatigue and other symptoms that can be experienced after relocating to a new country. It may be triggered by challenges experienced due to language barrier, culture shock and feelings of homesickness. 

What are the symptoms of Expat Overwhelm?

Common symptoms of Expat Overwhelm are anxiety, forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, frustration, fatigue, headaches and tummy troubles. 

How can I create a social network in my new home abroad? 

Joining expat groups in your new city, participating in community events and connecting with neighbours or other local people can quickly build your social network and reduce your feelings of loneliness and isolation. Facebook is a great resource for connecting with other expats in your city. 

I’m an expat and I’m overwhelmed. What should I do?

• Create a daily routine to give yourself predictability and stability. 
• Journal.
• Stay socially engaged. 
• Seek professional support if you can’t cope alone any longer. There’s strength in getting help. 

How long will it take before my new home feels like home? 

This depends on so many personal factors that I can’t possibly predict your experience. Depending on your age, lifestyle, life experiences, expectations and barriers experienced in your new home, adjusting could take as little as a few months and as much as several years. Everyone’s different and every experience is unique. 

Can Expat Overwhelm effect my family, too?

Unfortunately, yes, it can effect everyone of every age. Your family members may themselves begin to feel overwhelmed or be negatively impacted by your feelings of overwhelm. It’s important to look after yourself and each other through this major life transition. 

Got more questions? Share them in the comments. 

Sources

Expats at greater risk of mental health issues

80% of expats are struggling with mental health at work, says report covering 16 countries

https://www.axaglobalhealthcare.com/en/wellbeing/emotional/top-expat-concerns

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