Am I making a terrible mistake?
Is this really what I wanted?
What if my children grow up not knowing where they’re from?
These thoughts raced through my mind as we sped down the runway, finally departing for our new life as a family in Germany.
After years of planning and months of being stalled, we were finally taking off, and I felt every bit of optimism, excitement, and hope fall away behind me.
Have I made the right decision?
It’s a question that still pops into my mind, even after four years of living abroad in Germany.
We don’t have crystal balls to show us both versions of our future. All we have are our values, our hopes, and the information available to us right now to make a decision that reflects the life we want.
If you’re asking yourself, “Should I move to Germany with my family?”, I’m here to help you make the best decision you can. This post offers you a structured process to support your decision-making process to ensure that your move matches your family’s needs and values.
So grab a drink, a pen, and maybe even your partner. Let’s dive in.
Why Families Consider Moving to Germany
Germany is often seen as an ideal location for families considering a big move abroad, and it’s easy to see why.
A few reasons are:
- World-class public healthcare and education.
- Subsidised childcare and generous parental leave allowances.
- Family-friendly cities, complete with playgrounds and green spaces.
- Work-life balance is at the core of German culture. While they work hard, they rest even harder.
Many families are drawn to Germany for professional opportunities, while others hope to connect with their own family and heritage. Whatever your reasons for considering a move to Germany, it’s a country well worth exploring for your family.
Who, What, Where, When, How Long, and Why?
We’ll use these simple but powerful everyday questions to break down your decision-making process and guide your thinking.
Considering this life-changing decision step-by-step will keep that rising overwhelm at bay and allow you to think critically, not just emotionally about whether Germany is a good fit for your family.
Who Will Benefit from Moving Abroad?
List every family member on your sheet of paper. Then ask: who benefits, and how?
Maybe relocating to Germany is mainly for your career, or perhaps your partner is returning to their home. Maybe your children will gain language skills or build connections with members of the extended family.
It’s ok if the perceived benefits of the move aren’t evenly distributed. What matters right now is simply knowing.
Our natural instinct is to rank these benefits. Who will get the most out of the move? Who will lose from our move abroad? Is that fair?
Stop.
Avoid judging or ranking whose benefit matters most.
In my own experience, I felt resentment early on—my family seemed to thrive while I struggled to find my footing. But over time, I realised we all benefited in different ways, at different times.
Read more about my Motherhood Journey in Germany.
What Will Be Achieved?
It’s time to get crystal clear on your goals. What do you want to do in Germany, that can’t be done at home?
Here are a few prompts to help you with this step:
- Do you want to deepen family connections with extended family in Germany/ your children/ your spouse?
- Are their career or study options, only available to you in Germany?
- Are you looking for a new adventure?
When things get hard in your new home (and they will), these goals will become your anchor.
For my family, our “whats” were:
- Experiencing life in Germany, my husband’s home ✅
- Learning German (the children and me) ✅
- Nurturing relationships with members of our extended German family ✅
Four years in and we’ve checked every box.
This step will also help you see if you’re running away from your current life. Moving to Germany will not help anything that you want to run away from. A move to Germany with your family will not solve these problems.
Where Will You Move?
Sure, you probably already have a city in mind. Even so, zoom in on the details and consider:
- Which neighbourhoods are family-friendly?
- Are there schools and kindergartens nearby? Are they bilingual or international schools?
- Is there an established community of expat families, with whom to build a solid expat support network?
If you don’t know yet, that’s no problem. Start research now – join Facebook groups, look for local expat blogs, and read what other families have experienced.
The more specific you are now, the easier it will be for you later.
When Will You Move?
Is your deadline fixed or is the timeline more flexible?
Think about:
- How long do you need to prepare the required paperwork and logistics?
- The best way to transition your children from their old school into the new.
- Whether you’ll travel Germany or Europe more broadly before settling down.
- When the new job in Germany starts and when your current lease ends.
Having a clear timeline helps you feel grounded, even if things change. And they will change.
We were packed and ready to move to Germany as a family in March 20202 . . . and then the Pandemic shut the world’s borders.
Flexibility matters and it’s easier to be flexible when we have a plan in the first place.
How Long Will You Live Abroad?
Is this a one-year adventure, or a long-term relocation?
While considering if you should move to Germany with your family, get clear on your initial plan and as a family, agree to revisit it at regular intervals.
You don’t have to have all the answers right now, but a shared understanding goes a long way to avoid conflict, disappointment and resentment later.
Our original plan was to live in Germany as a family for 3 – 5 years. We’re four years in and are still figuring out what comes next.
Why Are You Moving?
We have arrived at the heart of your decision.
Your “why” might be different from your partner’s, and that’s ok. What matters is articulating your individual and shared purposes. Understanding each other’s why will deepen your understanding of each other and better support your relationship after the big move.
Ask yourself: Why does this move make sense for me? For us? For our kids?
Try to go deeper than simply “for work” or “for a change”. Here are some prompts to help you dig deeper:
- Why is this opportunity in Germany worth the international move with my family?
- Why is this drastic change required or desired?
- Why am I drawn to Germany?
Your “why” will be tightly linked to your personal values: what you want for your life, your relationship and your children.
Because when challenges arise (and they will), you’ll need a strong “why” to keep pushing you forward to build the life of your dreams in Germany.
Germany: A Family-Friendly Choice
Germany doesn’t just accommodate families, it actively supports them.
Here are just a few examples of how:
- Childcare is typically very affordable and widely available to families.
- Education is free, all the way up to University level.
- Employees have strong protections and support, including generous leave policies.
- World-class healthcare is holistic, easily accessible and free.
- Public spaces, including playgrounds, greenspaces and city squares, are designed for families to enjoy together with other families.
I’m not trying to paint an idealised picture of Germany. It isn’t the perfect place and life here can still be hard. But in my experience, the support provided for families can make a very real difference to the functioning of our family.
Want to know more? Read this comprehensive guide from Expatica.com.
Challenges You Might Face (and How to Handle Them)
Moving abroad is never straightforward and often includes bumps in the road.
You might experience:
- Frustratingly slow and complicated bureaucracy: In-person appointments for everything, minimal information and unhelpful staff.
- Language barriers: Particularly for official paperwork and communication with the school or Kindergarten.
- Culture shocks and confusions: What’s “normal” here? How to parent, the expected behaviour at school and work or the way people interact with one another socially.
- Loneliness and homesickness: Especially if you don’t have family nearby.
How to handle them:
- Be Prepared: Do your research and know what to expect when you arrive.
- Find Support: Before you move, join expat parenting communities or work with a relocation coach to plan your move and settlement phases with confidence.
- Stay Flexible: Expect the unexpected, stay flexible and know that adjusting to your new life will take time.
- Mindset Work: Remember your “why”. You’re building the life you’ve dreamt of and there will be challenging times ahead. Stay focused, remain calm and the rest will fall into place.
Common Objections (and Why They’re Valid—But Solvable)
What if my kids don’t adjust?
Kids are incredibly resilient. With the right support and time, most kids will thrive in their new life.
Talk with them, validate their feelings and always involve them in your planning.
Let them have some control over their own changing life.
Read my top tips for supporting your homesick kids.
I’m worried about learning the language.
This is probably one of the main objections I hear! And I get it. Learning a language is hard, especially as an adult (I know, I’ve done it!).
But remember: You don’t need to be fluent overnight. Start with key phrases, and consider online lessons. Many families arrive speaking little German and learn it gradually over time.
How necessary it is for you to speak German will depend on where you live and your field of work. This alone shouldn’t stop you from making the move if Germany really is your dream location.
I’m afraid I’ll lose my support network.
Packing up and leaving our lives behind, including our beloved friends and family, is hard. In time, you will build new connections with people who understand your new life. They’ll be by your side through the ups and downs of your new expat life.
You won’t lose your old friendships but they will look different. Thank goodness we live in the digital age. Keeping in contact with your long-distance bestie has never been easier.
Learn how to build your expat support network, even before you leave home.
Head, Heart & Logistics: A Quick Decision Tool
Here’s a simple framework to reflect on your decision:
Head – Does this make logical, practical sense?
Heart – Does this move feel aligned with your values and dreams?
Logistics – Can we realistically make this happen?
Want help thinking through it? I created a free workbook you can download to walk through these questions with your partner.
👉 [Download the Family Move Decision-Making Workbook]
FAQ: Should I Move to Germany with My Family?
Is there an ideal age for kids to move?
Many say the younger, the better – but children of all ages can thrive when given the right support and tools to navigate their transition.
Do I need to know German before I go?
No. It helps, but it’s not essential. You can begin learning after you arrive, though having a few basics will ease your transition.
Can we afford it?
Germany can be very affordable, especially compared to other cities like London or New York City. Public Healthcare and Education reduce costs significantly. Watch this video from @usa.mom.in.germany for a great explanation.
What should I prepare before moving?
- Paperwork: visas, birth certificates, health insurance).
- Housing research.
- Building a basic support network online.
Decision Time
You’ve reflected, you’ve journaled and maybe you’ve even talked it through with your partner.
But you’re still not 100% sure? That’s ok.
There is no right or wrong answer – only the decision that is right for you and your family.
Get curious, gather some more information, and trust yourself. Your gut is telling you what you need to do.
Whether you decide to stay or relocate your family to Germany, you’re already so brave for even considering this huge step.
And if you do decide to move?
Know that you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here to help.
👉 [Get the free workbook]
👉 [Join my email community]
👉 [Book a clarity call]
You’ve got this.
Edited and updated by Tara on 01 May 2025.
