The sun was shining and the beach was only a short walk from our door.
“NO!” my daughter yelled, as I handed her a towel and her sandals.
“I’m not going out today!” she shouted in German, a sign she was REALLY not happy.
My youngest, then only a few months old began crying, then so did my eldest.
I closed the door, took a big breath and accepted that today we weren’t going anywhere!
Homesickness can hit you at any time and knowing how to help your homesick kids might be the difference between a good or a terrible holiday!
That memory is from our first visit back to Australia in three years.
The combination of communicating in only English, meeting so many people she couldn’t remember and the drastically different climate gave my eldest a powerful case of homesickness in the first weeks.
She just needed the familiar.
Like it is at home.
She was homesick and needed me to put her needs first, over my own desires to enjoy our holiday.
If you’re travelling with a little person who has started to behave differently, they might be feeling homesick.
To help you help your homesick kids, I’ve compiled my Top 5 Tips for helping your homesick kid in this post.
Each of them tried and tested by yours truly!
If you’re feeling homesick as a parent abroad, you might be interested in my 7 Tips here.
What is homesickness?
Homesickness is a group of feelings or experiences that can impact us on every level: emotional, social, cognitive and physical.
These symptoms are triggered by being away from their familiar home environment.
Different places, languages, food, social norms, climate, and ways of dressing.
You name it!
If it’s different and our kids can’t retreat to what is normal to them, then they may experience feelings of homesickness.
Researchers talk about homesickness as being a loss of power or control over a situation, a mini-grief at the loss of the familiar and even an interruption to an individual’s functioning.
Stress is bad for us when the amount of it outweighs our ability to overcome it.
If we perceive ourselves as powerless in the face of what’s causing our stress, then the stress will get the better of us.
This is important when we’re discussing homesickness in kids.
For the most part, they are powerless against these feelings.
It probably wasn’t their idea to travel or move abroad.
They have no way of changing their circumstances.
You need to help your homesick kid to reframe their experiences and overcome the challenges of homesickness.
How do you know if your kid is homesick?
It all depends on your child.
Every kid is different.
Some kids might never experience being homesick, while others may feel overwhelmed staying with grandparents in another cot.
Some signs that your child might be experiencing homesickness might include:
- Being extra cranky or whiny.
- Refusing to try new things, including food, exploring a new location or playing new games.
- Refusing to leave the accommodation or the car.
- Increased requests to connect with friends or family at home.
- Wanting to speak only the home language (this is particularly notable for bi-lingual children).
This list of possible symptoms is by no means exhaustive.
A good rule of thumb is if there’s any change in your child’s behaviour or interactions, consider if it could be homesickness.
The way homesickness might show itself in your child is dependent on a lot of factors.
- Age
- Temperament
- Ability to articulate their feelings
- Previous experience of being away from home
- Cognitive capacity to understand concepts of change, time, travel and difference.
- Health
If your child’s behaviour has changed suddenly
or is negatively impacting their ability to function every day,
please seek professional. help immediately.
This post is not medical advice.
5 Tips to Help Your Homesick Kid
1. Bring something from home
It seems logical, doesn’t it?
If we’re missing home, you want something from home.
On any adventure, bring a couple of things from home.
My usual go-to’s when we’re travelling to offer that little bit of the familiar to my kids are:
- Teddies or beloved soft toys,
- Favourite books,
- A game or toy that you can play with together.
If your child is old enough, allow them to choose these items themselves.
Give them the power.
Being empowered to choose which pieces of home they bring with them will make them all the more powerful when those feelings of homesickness emerge.
Remember, stress can become detrimental when it outweighs our ability to overcome it.
By allowing your children some autonomy in selecting what to bring from home, you’re proving their power to overcome these challenges.
This will help your homesick kid on the road.
2. Maintain rituals from home
Family rituals are so important for many reasons.
These are the things we remember from our childhood.
The things that happen in a family without question.
Everyone just knows that that’s what we do around here.
Rituals can build a sense of connection and shared purpose between family members.
They can also act as predictable anchors in the day, which allows your kids to feel stable and secure in this big world.
Rituals in our family include eating breakfast together and reading stories together before bed.
Every day.
And this is no different when we’re travelling.
It sets the scene for our children that no matter where we are, we haven’t changed, no matter how much around us might have.
The thing about rituals is they don’t have to be complicated.
As long as they fit within your family’s daily motions and values, they’ll serve you well at home or on the road.
3. Offer food from home
Anyone who’s tried to have a meal with a child will tell you it’s hard.
Now try feeding that same fussy little eater in a foreign country where the food looks, tastes and smells different.
Cue temper tantrums on the restaurant floor (speaking from personal experience!)
Offering some familiar food from home can help your child and their experience of homesickness.
Food is entrenched in our sense of home and what normal is, so it’s no wonder that a taste of something familiar can reduce any feelings of homesickness.
How did I try to overcome my own homesickness at Christmas time? By preparing a Christmas meal from home.
Your ability to offer your children familiar food will be constrained depending on the availability of particular items at your location and your access to cooking facilities.
And that’s ok.
Any attempt to help your homesick kid manage their experiences will benefit them.
Here are some suggestions of food that might be readily available no matter where you are to support your little one’s homesickness:
- A familiar breakfast: muesli or cornflakes are widely available.
- Simple, comfort foods like pasta with cheese, french fries and cheese sandwiches.
- Favourite fruit from home
And if all else fails, I’ve found that offering local sweets or cakes from your current location can help!
4. Take it slow
I know, I know.
You’re on holiday. You want to see everything because who knows if I’ll ever be here again!
I know the feeling.
But know that slowly is better than not at all.
And seeing nothing is what will happen if your little person becomes paralysed by overwhelm.
When we’re travelling, we have a simple rule:
One thing a day.
That’s right. We do only one thing a day.
Are we driving? Then it’s a driving day. Just driving and eating and playing.
Are we sightseeing? Then we visit one site. Explore one Museum. Or travel to one beautiful outlook.
In our experience, anything more than that leads to overwhelm, exhaustion and a bad day.
Travelling with kids is different.
Take it slow and give your kids time to process everything they experience.
It might be just one thing for you, but it might be a million tiny things for your little one.
And they’re all new.
New sights and smells.
The language might sound different.
People might look different or wear different clothes.
Even the natural environment may be wildly different from home.
Each of these things could cause homesickness.
So go slow and enjoy the simple things.
5. Check in with your kids
Ask your kids questions about what they experienced in the day.
What did they like?
Did they find anything interesting?
Was there something they thought was really strange?
Having these conversations with your kids allows them to process what they’ve experienced, giving them permission to dislike things or not enjoy aspects of their time away from home.
Hearing you admit that you found the open-air fish market in Borneo a bit gross might allow your child to feel at ease that they also didn’t enjoy an experience.
Giving your children the space to share their perspectives will reduce the potential stress caused by these new experiences.
Of course, these conversations need to be had in an age-appropriate way.
I don’t expect that your 2-year-old will be able to articulate their ideas very clearly.
However, kids can always understand what you say.
So don’t be afraid to openly admit when something made you feel uncomfortable or when you thought something was interesting.
Never underestimate how much they will learn about managing homesickness from how you manage your own feelings while away.
But the most important thing to do when your child feels homesick?
Just love them.
How did you help your homesick kids? Share your experiences in the comments below!
